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>>>quick announcement->Fasten your seat belt..'cos you might be in for a crazy ryde...:)

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Bottom Power

    My new internship is just blerrrr... I have resolved to stop complaining and instead try to be more positive about stuff so I am leaving it at that. I really thank God for the kind of people he has surrounded me with sha. This trip has made me realise how much of a sheltered life I had been living. And to think I thought I was a toughie.....*snort*

In fun news, my butt just broke a bed.

*(yeah, take a breath and look again)*

No, I kid you not.

It did.

     We, (my roommates) converged into my roommate's single room (remember this one?) and were just gisting and talking about stuff. It is ever so refreshing having these sessions for us because we talk about lots of taboo subjects, even though we may not be in agreement.

    Anyway, na so the girl talk say make we start to dey comot say she wan study. I started fooling around and told her I wasnt going and decided to sit on her bed with a little force (I promise, it was just a little) and BOOM! One of the wheels went CABOOTS! I swear, I can't believe the guts of my butt (pun intended and did that just rhyme?!) sometimes....like seriously! Before I know it now, people will decide to start speaking to me in the hallway only and refuse me entry into thier rooms....mmmcheeewww....

    It has been known to have an independent mind, pulling tumblers off the table, refusing to squeeze through spaces even when I will it too, refusing to fit into choice dresses....the list is endless. And now I have to add a broken bed to my repertoire?!
Me I have sha helped her to "shock" the bed and if she likes, she should "de ara sile" while sleeping. Na she sabi if she rolls into the hallway because if I am ever asked, I'll just do a Shaggy on everybody.....'twasn't me!

PS:..Fun pictures coming up soon and yes, we are soon going to be a year old!!! Think you can click on that obnoxious "follow" button so that we can celebrate first by being 100+1?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Starafically Acclimatising

     More in the way of  how much Beijing reminds me of Naija is the effectiveness of traffic lights. It is almost laughable. Just like it is adhered to religiously in some parts of Nigeria, so it is here. But more often than not, when the pedestrian light goes red is when some chicken-legged group of chinkos will decide it is a good time to cross and conversely for the vehicle drivers. So I found it very funny when during orientation, one of the program directors told us to be careful about the traffic light situation. We were told to be on alert and not be the first or last person to cross. My response to that was "Dont worry, I gat it. I have had maaaaany years of practice." And true to my words, you should see me flying on the road, Lagos-style. Give it up for your girl o, na me dey take all my oyinbo friends across the road.....local champion toh badt!

     What I have failed to mention in my bravado though is how many times I have managed to either escape being run over or restrain from hitting a driver badly. The only thing that keeps me from carrying out that last part is that just in the nick of time, I always remember that I am in Kung Fu, Taekwando and all those Martial Arts Domain. That is to say, I will be worse for it should I even attempt it! Anyway, by run over, I know you will naturally assume I meant by cars. WRONG! The population of bicycles in this city is almost as much as the population of China's residents (You get the picture?). It almost seems to be like for each resident of Beijing, there are 3 bicycles available; one for the head, one for the arms and one for the legs. They are anywhere and everywhere. So not only do I have to contend with the traffic lights satire, nonsense cars drivers, but also the labyrinth of bikers.

 Note: I tried putting up nice pictures to corroborate my story for some hours now but either Blogger is upset with me about something or it is Internet-Gangs-Up-Against-HoneyDame-Day.

     I mean, I am black, duh! Not even a light-skinned Naija babe..Correct dudu osun (hyperbole much) so I have had my fair share of stares, especially when I just relocated to the States. So when my friend who had been to China before told me to watch out for outright "starafication", I thought- what the heck?! Been there done that!. Boy was I wrong. I had sort of prepared for the "starafication" but what I didnt bargain for was cameras being shoved in my face. Choi! I carry nyash troway for Chinese people! Dey can fit stare!!!!! They make me feel like they are an untapped medical answer to coma. Just take a Chinese to a patient who has been comatose for the longest time. Dem fit stare till the patient go instinctively carry hand to cover hin face!

     Last week I went to one of the malls and I was trying to buy ice cream when I noticed motion in front of me. On raising my face, what I saw was a lady and her companion blatantly taking a picture of me and before I could even mouth "Eh", she was by my side for another shot - albeit a chummy posture. Naija babe like me, I sharply slung my arm around her shoulder like we were friends from last century so that when she was done I was able to say "Ma, that will be 250RMB but for you, I'll make it 200RMB" with an outstretched hand (iKid about the money part, if she understood Yoruba or English I could have pulled it off). I take the bus to work. Before I get to the the bus stop, the stares light the path for me, maka y! And when I get on the bus?! Different story! It is almost like a game of who can out-stare the other. But now that I think about it, a young black girl in China who speaks and understands only a phrase of Chinese, taking the metropolitaion bus and subway is enough to pique anybody's curiosity up to the point of staring indiscriminately......NOT!!!

     Enough of Beijing for now, this post CANNOT be published if I dont confess my blog love for 9jaGreat, I knew you were the one for my virtual self right from the start. That poem validated it in mind (as well as about 5 other bloggers). What do you say, let's elope to Beijing and live "starafically" after?

    Each time I make up my mind to call your attention to these bloggers I stumbled on the other day, I forget. But today na today, so if you are yet to discover the pleasures that are CherryWine, Hazel and Mcyriuss, you are on a long thing!

   I thought I had my blogger access figured out but it isn't as clear cut as I would like it to be. So, I realize how much of the goings-on that I missed. NG, you gotta just make sure to drop by once in a while. Your blog as well as a couple others are the reason I attempted this ever. Congrats on making partner and goodluck, but you sha still gotta make appearances, once in a while, koyo (my lame attempt at Edo language). As for the recent blogville trend, not that I want to add fuel to any fire (if there was any in the first place) but just in case you still haven't had enough of it and want to read one more write up to that effect, check here.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


Ok, so the flight itself was hitch free. I was glad that I wasn't seating with the elderly man in front of me, a white American, who in the span of the 15+hours flight time, had managed to give a low-down of the past 3-4 decades of his life. I wouldn't have been able to deal with that. All through the flight time, it still didn't register to me that I was going to CHINA for 4 MONTHS!!!! One of my seatmates was Mongolian, nice girl she was. We spoke for a while, in which time I managed to subtly tell her that sometimes, I don't like to talk too much. I think she got the message cause she kept her chit-chat to a reasonable level.

Surprisingly, customs and baggage claim wasn't even a hassle at all. What? It is China!!! I expected soooo muccccchhh drama. Oh, the smart-carts were free unlike Naija and US where you need to definitely pay to carry your luggage out...mcheww. I got into arrivals to get to my program people, fortunately, they found me as I was glancing and glossing over people's faces. I met one of my roommates. I was to have two of them. We started making conjectures about how the rooms would be like because the brochure had said hotel-style rooms and there were 3 of us. Was I wrong in assuming that that should have translated as 3 bedrooms, a common room and bathroom? We got to the much prided Uni. as well as the much prided foreign-student's dorm in it. Typical Nigerian that I am, I had two 20-23kg bags, a satchel and a small suitcase (hand luggage size). They gave myself and the roommate (the 3rd person hadn't come) our keys. It had the same number. I should have used my street smartness instantly, but I was torn between racing up the stairs to my room on the fifth floor (no elevator) or slowly dragging all my bags at once (to avoid "thiefery"...duh! it is china....just like Lagos!). I opted for the latter.

***Side warning**** Be very careful and extra smart when dealing with Europeans, they like to think they are very very fast and smart (and sometimes, they really are). My roommate was well ahead of me in getting to the room and she is European. I guess you know where this story is going. Anyway, by the time I got to the room, here is what I found.

Oh SLAP ME SIDEWAYS!!! There were two rooms with one considerably smaller than the other one. The bigger one had two beds and almost no storage/closet present. The smaller one housed one bed with a couple of furniture for storage, a standing fan and a refrigerator. Oh, i forgot, the bigger one had a split a/c prolly an 80's model (works fine tho). Of course you know what had happened! Mon European ami had staked claims........on the smaller room..:) I would have done the same thing too, I guess. but that realisaion wasnt enough to stop me from being so upset at that time that I even passed on dinner (and you know how much I love food). Hotel-style room my ass...foreign student dorm my big fat Nigerian behind!!! Classic case of  "may my expectations not be cut short"!

But one week after, I think I got really cool roommates and couldn't care less about the room situation anymore.

In the way of description though, my first impression of Beijing was...."Damn! they should warned me that I was going to a cleaner Lagos". Maka why?! The resemblance is great. The shacks, the pedestrian bridges, the road side hawkers, even to the corruptible policemen (so I have heard). We were particularly implored to stay away as much as we can from the policemen and I thought to myself, "now that shouldn't be hard, I have had several years of practice." Even those mosquitoes traveled all the way here too, Naija nor dey carry last! But the interesting thing is the mosquitoes sabi "better" thing. I can imagine a meeting ensued among them thus:

Quito Leader: I heard some real oyinbos are moving in today. We need to welcome them. Stay off them today and start your orientation with them tomorrow, comprende?
Quitoes: Yes boss

  ***(Day After)*****

Quito Leader: Choi! Comrades! I swear them no lie when them talk say Naija dey everywhere o! During orientation this morning, I tasted Naija blood. There's no point in coming all this way, circumventing the vultures, planes and UFOs only to come and be sucking on Naija blood again. Stay away from her.

Quito 1: Besides, our colleagues back home for don take the better comot her body. Abeg, her blood go don be hand-me-down

As a manifestation of this, my roommates (both pale-skinned) have got some tattoo-looking-impressions all over; their legs, arms, even buttocks (don't ask me about that one, I dont know what happens after I turn off my lights) yet I have managed to get bitten just once.....so far. Hence, my roommates have come to the conclusion that the quitoes are racist, in my favor. Na so  dem leave me with my hand-me-down blood. You just gotta love racist mosquitoes!

Monday, September 12, 2011

OMG...Ni Hao Blogsville

   CHOI!!!! Na me be this?    ***Doing a twirl***... I swear with the over grown nail on my pinkie finger that this (my inconsistency) has not been intentional, however hard it is to believe that. Well, I had planned on updating like I used to pre-summer-internship after I leave for China. Only to be slapped with the reality. I got to Beijing and realised that blogger was one of the blocked sites in the Great Firewall.

    For all those who don't know, China censors social websites and makes some of them inaccessible to its residents. Facebook, twitter and some others are part of this blocked sites but I had no prior knowledge that blogger was too. I had been going through withdrawals from being unable to check in here and blog hop (particularly my daily fix, Linda Ikeji) until this angel   *takes a break and gives courtesy* came to my rescue and provided me with a proxy to override the censorship.

    I have no desire to bore you with all those technicalities. I am just sooooooo glad to be back here....like really, you have no idea how glad I am right now. I am kindda euphoric. How have you guys been doing (without me, I need to feel a tad important)? Not to well abi, me too! Ok, let me catch up on all that I have missed and then have a "likkle" reunion with you all.