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Saturday, January 28, 2012

Let's "Settle" this Issue

Hi pipuls. I know things have been relatively quite around here in HoneyDamez ville. Just let me settle into this strange-feeling semester and we’ll get back to being chummy.

Happy Belated to you NikkiSho, many happy returns sister. Happy Coronation to you too Dame Sting (this lady just manages to come up with the unexpected). Welcome back Boo Nonye, I hope you are back for reals now o. Myne, I am feeling your new site look. Doll and Pretty Lashes, this is the year o! Big Congrats.
The other day, I was on MCLA and came across a post telling the story of a girl who “settled” in marriage. The post itself isn’t what has necessitated this reply post as much as the comments it garnered. 

What exactly does the concept of “settling” (in a romantic context) entail?

Many a time and in more ways than one, don’t we all settle? Or is there such a person existing who got EVERYTHING they wanted in their spouse without negative addition(s)? 

What do you say, falling in love, walking/sliding into love, settling in love?


  1. omG, as i was going through my reading list yesterdays, i was like honey dame hasn't posted anything in a while....and then u posted something today!!flipping OMG....ok

    i totally agree....i think we all settle, and ppl settle for us!!...as long as no one is perfect, not even that...since we are all different, we are all going to have to settle...some might settle for something minor, like a man who chews with his mouth open and some might settle for something major...like a man who thinks its okay to be lazy and have no goals...the question is, what are u willing to settle for...thats what we ought to ask ourselves!!

    but hey girl hey

  2. I read that article too and I was surprised at the number of comments. My view is that there's settling and there's settling. No one is perfect obviously but it is better to enter marriage caring deeply for the other person rather than being happy they treat you well.

  3. Yay, my HoneyDame is back!

    Everyone settles, sometimes knowingly and sometimes not. Sometimes settling is a good thing (especially if you unrealistic expectations) and sometimes it isn't. Such is life.

  4. Welcome back...off to go read the post or rather the comments on the post.

  5. welcome back HoneyDame and thanks for the mention. I think if you care for someone deeply and the positives far out weigh the negatives, you 'settle'.

    I don't like the word anyways, it implies lack of self worth.

  6. ok i just went back to read the article and the comments. I have never been an advocate of 'you know you are in love when your heart skips a beat when you're in love'

    That's a whole load of nothing. If because you don't get that you think you're 'settling' then you don't know how love works.

    There has to be deep love, caring and understanding to enter a marriage, butterflies are good, they are just not be all and end all.

  7. i disagree with the saying that "everyone Settles"..... i think most people settle, but there are also people who in a relationship, realize that they are the ones getting the better deal out of the relationship. those are usually the people who have more to lose if a relationship were to fall apart. But thats just my Two Cents.

    Soo Dame, how are you enjoying this NY spring feeling Winter?

  8. lol..thank you. I don't think everyone settles. What makes sense to me is as you get older or start to acquire better sense, you start to leave some ideas and ideal behind and focus on what is important in a relationship.

  9. Welcome back dear..I read the story and I don't think she settled, think she found a good man to marry.

  10. My point is this; Settling and falling in love are one and the same thing.All things being equal,you'd walk majestically into love,but cos it's not so,we fall in love.You know it's not 100% perfect,but you still go ahead and before you know it,you fall in love.Have you considered that each time you go out looking for love,it doesn't find you? But when you just go with the flow,you somehow fall in love? That's the way i see it though.


  11. Welcome back dear. I think most of the time, we settle for things in life. Be it in terms of relationships, career, etc, there is a bit of settlement.

  12. Hmmm, welikom back. Pls, dont leave us soon o.

    I might not find a perfect person but I can find someone who is perfect for me.

  13. She's back!!! Thank GOD!! I think there is a fine line between settling and compromising and both happen but settling is the negative. At least when you compromise, both are losing and both are winning. With settling, you are not getting what you want at all and if you are it is not enough to be happy with. More like content. I believe we tend to settle for a lot of things but there are certain things that you should NEVER EVER settle in and one of them is Love. :-) Madam Honey pls don't abandon us like that again. Or I'll hunt you down **squinted eyes, gps in hand**

  14. Welcome back o:) Read the story too... Would just do the same comment I did there...

    Love is beautiful but the physical attraction should be forgone. If it is missing, I suspect, there would be room to look outside. Physical attraction is just crazy sometimes. When you are not attracted to the person u will spend the rest of your life with, who then do you want to be attracted to?

    Well, let me guess, maybe Tayo is not that physically attractive; just maybe...

    - LDP

  15. I don't know...English is not my first language.

  16. And she's back! i was wondering about u going MIA. To the settling ish: the comments on that post are unbelievable! The only thing that worries me in the story is that Folu said Tayo doesn't get her.

  17. Well, when it comes to 'settling' in marriage, I'd like to look at it from a different perspective of making a compromise - gaining somethings and forfeiting some. You can't have all you dream of but a key component however you cannot but have would be 'Love'. When the chips are down, it's love that would be able to hold the marriage together.

    People, THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES is back. Catch up on the latest episodes.

  18. It took you long enough to pay your rent on this blog abi? hope you are good...

    Settling...at this point i think we need to call for a ban of that word in relationships. Sometimes i think its a gendered word. A man decides o marry and latches on to the next girl that meets 60% of his needs even though he just ended a relationship with the girl that was thought to meet 95% of his needs. And the women holding out for 99% remain single for a while longer. Settling is 'reality check joo'. Recognise what is important to you and move on.

  19. Settling IMO is accepting the not so perfect aspects of the person's character, learning to manage their excesses and being happy with yourself, with them and the entire relationship.

  20. missed you honey.been awhile i came here.well everyone pratically settles for one thing or another when it comes to relationships or marriage

  21. Settling is a big issue that is why the wedding is quick and the marriage fails.


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