I give you "unreserved" rights to call me out on this one if it is a lie. This piece is based entirely on my opinion and observations and the reason for the post in itself is to seek education not malice. So I suggest you respectfully pass across your opinions and sheath your swords as necessary......Thanks for your anticipated co-operation...:DTake a look at BellaNaija's Weddings tab.....go through the Archives.....older posts....What do you notice?(Speaking of which, I believe BellaNaija takes down some of the wedding posts after a while)
I was educating a non-Nigerian about Nigerian weddings the other day. I delved a little into inter-tribal marriages and typically, my go-to place for visual aid was BellaNaija. While I browsed through the pages, I realised this:
For approximately every 5 Yoruba men marrying a Igbo/South-South women, there was only one Igbo/South-South man marrying a Yoruba woman. (at least from the BellaNaija lens and yes, I know that can't be representative of the whole populace)
My question is why is this so?
I typically put Igbo and South-South on the same side not because I think they are precisely the same, but because I think the perception of most people about these two tribes is that they are interchangeable/similar (in comparison with the other tribes). Matter of fact, my question is directed more at the Igbo men.
I believe strongly in this generation because I think it heralds the beginning of the new Nigeria in terms of how we see one another tribally. This is because there are a lot of inter-tribal marriages taking place than before and ultimately, this will lead to a Nigeria with distinct yet very cordial tribes.
However, with my aforementioned observation, it seems a bit one sided. So enlighten me, my Igbo brothers and Yoruba sisters, what is going on between you two? Are you Igbo brothers scared of diluting the clan ni or you just don't want Yoruba wahala? Yoruba sisters, are you people scared of the numerous cultural practices (both true and untrue) that you have managed to hear about them?
Speak to me people, am I alone in my observation?
P.S: I deliberately left the Hausas' out of this whole thing because quite frankly, you and I know they rarely ever ventured out of their tribes for spouses and they don't even seem to be starting anytime soon.
Thats true Honeydame. However, I still have seen some igbo men with yoruba wives but when I see them together I think to myself 'how do you cope' being igbo and yoruba under the same roof. I think there is a stigma about igbo and yoruba marrying each other that only a small portion of them are known.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, an igbo family will say don't bring yoruba home and the yoruba would say dont bring igbo home. but some of them do but some not all families may accept after some real arguments. So in that sense it seems there is a stigma to it so perhaps that is why the igbo men run away. -----thats just my opinion so please nobody should insult me o hehe. :-)
Uhmm..... Nice insight..Thanks
DeleteHmm I think its the usual stereotype and how open minded the individuals are. People forget that its not the tribe its the individual. My ex was from my place who people says has some of the best men in Naija but guess what, dude didnt treat me right.So I realised its an individual thing. Having said that, 90% of the Yoruba ladies I know for some weird reasons dont ever ever want to date an Igbo guy. They say Igbo men like money too much plus some other excuse. That puzzles me sha. I had this one Yoruba friend and she was so into Igbo guys and stuff until she met a new set of Yoruba women who started questioning her preference and all that stuff.Telling her Igbo men are this and that, saying she can find Yoruba men that will do better blablabla. At the end of the day, my friend got turned off even though f she didnt date an Igbo guy. Its just the stereotype and how open-minded the people are.
ReplyDeleteAlso I have heard Igbo guys say Yoruba women are this and that. To each his own, sha dont let love pass you by cause you are close minded or for some weird reason.
I do understand people have preference but there are some that dont even want to hear the word Igbo or Yoruba. Even the older folks. I was talking to a Yoruba mama in church and I told her I found a husband for her daughter (Matchmaker UG!!!). She was like where is he from, I am like oh Igbo. She said no oh, no no Igbo ke. I dont want.
So its not just the individuals, its also what friends and family are feeding them. Its okay to have your preference too, people want somethng for different reasons and I believe we should respect that and not try to force our preference on others. Its just not fair.
LOL my parents insisted my siblings and I marry from our place, well, My sweet brother is engaged to be married to a Nupe lady..lol now beat that! My sis seem into Igbo and Yoruba, while the other into Niger-Delta folks. Well me, I am open so far the brother is a Christian and well grounded in Christ. I ask for only one thing, atleast know how to speak pidgin especially in this oyibo land where everyone is shooking to hear your convo..
Uhm....I guess as much with the stereotype things sha....but I just wonder....so it is that the Igbo ladies and Yoruba men are more open-minded than their counterpart. I am with you on the common language thing sha..... E dey very critical..:D
DeleteI think it depends on the way parents bring up their children,my brother was born and bred in yoruba land but he married an igbo girl cos daddy told him from day one another tribe is a NO NO. most time we want to stay in our comfort zones too, dont want to experience all the gory tales (true and untrue) being told
ReplyDeleteUhm, the comfort zone argument holds true too
DeleteIts definitely a perception thing, but i hear times are changing, iwas told by an Igbo man that they now prefer to marry non igbo, because of the high cost of bride price required to marry an igbo lady
ReplyDeleteFunny enuf, I believe your observation is right. I believe Igbo men have a stronger sense of culture than yorubas. In my own opinion, most Igbos men are very sentimental about their culture and will not let it go as fast as yorubas.
ReplyDeleteI listened to Chaz B do a program on this topic sometime back and the numerous responses that came from the igbo men confirmed my suspicion.
Aha!!! I was pretty sure that I wasn't hallucinating. It does make sense that the argument isnt even about the perception of the other tribe, that it is stemmed more from the need to preserve their own culture......well said
DeleteGreat post Honey Dame. Our cultures have evolved, especially in our generation. Following your blog!
ReplyDeletewww.stylebycesca.blogspot.com.
Thanks Cesca! Welcome on board. Hopefully it will be a positive evolution
DeleteI agree with the others who have commented. It's all about stereotypes, I think Igbo guys and Yoruba women have worse stereotypes when it comes to relationships so they kind of strike each other out.
ReplyDeleteWell said Myne, well said!
DeleteHmmm... I wouldn't know though but I guess the issue of stereotypes does play a huge part. What seem funny to me however is that it appears the Yoruba men are no longer afraid of Igbo Sisters' bride prices; as that used to be the case. Or am I only making that up? haha
ReplyDelete- LDP
You are not making it up o! That's exactly what I am saying! I am wondering why the Igbo bros are not "retaliating" against the Yoruba bros who come to steal/marry their sisters.
DeleteThis is interesting, my colleague is Igbo and he swears that a lot of his friends are planning to marry Yoruba girls because of the huge bride price needed to marry from their tribe.
ReplyDeleteLmao....oh yeah?! Lmao!
DeleteTrue,it's hard to see Yoruba-Igbo marriages and i think the reason is based on Stereotype like someone mentioned in a comment.But i also think it's all changing now.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on both counts and that is where my confusion is. Yes, it is changing, but it is more one sided,ie Yoruba men marrying Igbo woman...while Igbo men marrying Yoruba women is not as common.....#oh well!#
DeleteMy dear, you need to go ways back and read up Biafra. yep. Older Igbos have an inbred lack of trust of Yorubas cause of the supposed 'betrayal' during the genocide. So the younger male generation especially grow up instinctively not trusting a Yoruba so dating is so out. Secondly the stereotype that Yoruba females don't stay in marriage...they are too ready to work outof a marriage or be promiscous. stereotypes yeah, but the stories of Aunty this and that and the celebrity Yoruba ladies somewhat lend credence.
ReplyDeleteI have a number of Yoruba gfs married to Igbo men and I also know those who can't counternance another tribe.
My conclusion, those who can can, those who cant cant.
Very Interesting point about the genocide thing! It must really run deep!
DeleteI agree with Ginger. There's this mistrust thing going on altho i have friends married to/dating Yorubas. I also think upbringing matters cos even before you ask my mom, she has an excuse for everything. She'll say Ijebus are this, Ekitis are that. She says Hausas have too many diseases(Arun ara won pe'gba), "Igbo abi eeyan?" which is funny cos my fam is really eclectic. I have cousins who are Hausas, igbos, and oyibos sef. My uncle even married from Sierra Leone #shrugs So i guess what ever rocks your boat jere
ReplyDeletelooool @ ur mum... most the yoruba bit.. arun ara wan pe'gba..funny
DeleteI think sometimes older people have nothing to do with it, o. Young people like us carry wahala. For all my joking, my parents never stressed who we were to marry or not marry, so when I moved to the UK, I dated all sorts; Chinese, Yoruba, white...
ReplyDeleteNone of the Yoruba men treated me right (I am tearing up a bit now). In fact, one of them went as far as to ask me stupid questions every time I did something 'Do Igbo people eat rice and beans like you're eating?' or 'Do Igbo people clean their bottoms from front to back?'
It was terrible (and I thank God I forgotten his face/name.)
Biko, I married onye igbo jejely which was better for me. In hindsight, I couldn't say if I married him because he was Igbo or not - and believe me, problems exist in all areas of marriage that have to do with 'other people' - but I can tell you that I am more than comfortable. It was just a HUGE bonus that his home town was the place I spent 20 odd years of my life.
And the moral of the story is, there is no one Nigeria in this generation or the next. Trying to make it so causes more divisions. Just find your man or woman, be with them and don't think about the bigger picture.
Now, I'm going to blow my nose. Excuse me.
stupid questions though from that ex yoruba bf hahah...what is that suppose to mean sef...
Deletelol though at ur response..
I was about to talk about how the Hausas were omitted then I saw the last line.
ReplyDeleteMy sister has gone out with an igbo guy, my mum had a fit at first but I guess she got over it...and she is particularly relieved not that the relationship is over.
I see more Yoruba guys marrying the Igbo girls...but for the other way round the stereotype is still visible. I would not lie, religion aside, I am always sceptical of the igbo boys...don't blame me biko, na so we country dey.
Nah...i don't think you should base your opinions on ust the bella naija wedings lol. I feel like on a general note, most tribes, whether it's yoruba or urhobo, they marry within themselves. Inter-tribal marriages are still the minority, not just amongst igbo guys but for every single tribe!
ReplyDeleteIronically, i know much more igbo men with yoruba wives than vice versa. Two of my uncles (igbo men), are married to yoruba women :)
I might be wrong, but I think Igbos and Yorubas are two of the most tribalistic ethnic groups in Nigeria. Even friendship is not enough to negate prejudices; they run deep.
ReplyDeleteHmm this is a topic that I really believe people should differentiate from just general prejudice. Yes there are tribal prejudice spread across Nigeria but yet you find many that were born and raised in a tribe separate from theirs; and they meet a partner and look beyond it and fall in love. For some this is romantic but it is harder than you think especially when both people strongly acknowledge their cultures. Many of us know that even in one tribe there are tribes withing those tribes that conflict. I married an Igbo man but yet the practices that my people did at my traditional wedding almost resulted in a fight because my husband's tribe wasn't expecting such cutoms. But even beyond that there are so many things we've had to learn about each other's customs that I cannot even begin to imagine adding a different language, everything. I feel like it is so much easier to understand my in-laws, the first day I met them it was like they've known me forever because we shared a similar language though a separate dialect we could understand each other. When I speak or they speak no one has suspicions. I am not saying that two different tribes or two separate religions cannot work...in fact I know quite a few that it has worked but I am saying for me I can see how it could add to my marital problems since hubby and I can bud heads very easily. In the same token I know more people whom it has failed mostly because they allowed their in-laws determine the fate of their marriage. Nice topic but it is a decision that each individual must truly consider because it takes a special person to embrace this. I didn't even want an igbo guy that didn't even know how to speak our language (and turned many down for that reason alone) because I felt that he wouldn't be into the culture hence our children will not care much for it. For me it outweighed many other things, that for some may be more important than your children growing up to speak their language fluently. sorry too long :)
ReplyDeleteI disagree, more Igbo men are marrying yoruba women! They claim the bride price is not cut throat (which is true) and hence, they can marry early as opposed to labouring into their late 30s to gather up funds for the igbo sisters. Yoruba girls also complain that the igbos would usually not accept you because you cant speak the language!
ReplyDeleteWhen all's said and done, I guess our perception to life and these issues is all that matter. If you're very tribalistic you'll never be able to tolerate one from the other side of the divide. Majorly, the language barrier is what breaks the camel's already belaboured back
didn't know Naija had this kind of issues too concerning some particular tribes marrying each other. Its the same here in Ghana, its hard to find Ewe/Ashanti marriages. so some people wonder how my mum and dad came together in the first place knowing how it was sort of a "taboo" in their time cause my mum is Ewe and my dad Ashanti,..... well I guess with time, things will begin to work out better. All the same, i think its a matter of choice, if you want you want, Lol.
ReplyDeleteHi girl!!
ReplyDeleteCame to sprinkle some sunshine, so here you go ******
That's what you get for sending me an email that warmed my heart *shining my thirty two*
On the interracial marriage thing, I think people that marry from other tribes are brave. They have unique challenges and have to put in extra work to make it work.
In every tribe, you will find people willing to go the extra mile and you will find cowards, like me, who want to play it safe. I think its about the individual, not the whole tribe per se.
Among Yorubas, there's the Ijebu/ Egba discord (I'm Egba, my husband is Ijebu). Among the Ijebus, there are issues with the different smaller groups- Ijebu Mushin, Ijebu Igbo, Ijebu Ode and on and on.
Bottom line is If we want to look for differences, we will find them. If we want to look for reasons to look past our differences, we will find them. So it's more about the individuals, than the tribes.
Hello dear! Long time!!! For me, as a yoruba woman...I'd rather date/marry a yoruba man...frankly our culture/traditions are quite different..I'd rather not deal with the stress.
ReplyDeleteFirst time here...
ReplyDeletewaving with love..
sorry almost commented on all the reply sef...
As for me ohh am open-minded to the core, infact I dont know how much open I can be...
I see this issues, but I just do not think about it, in my head tribalism has reduced quite alot maybe its the UK culture sha. The choices in the western world are varied, people marry different people from different countries, more options to fall in love with chinese, italilan, Ghanian, South African etc etc(University is all multicultural, work place too, cities, churches, everywhere). the list are endless..
As for me I secretly indulge in ibo dudes (the good ones). Not that am saying I dont love yoruba men. But am open-minded as long as he is grounded in Christ and level headed... we will soar beyond the stars.
I do think living abroad sort of makes it easier sha, the options are too much. Besides, marriage is what you make it. No matter who I marry, our pikin has to speak yoruba ohh well both languages sha.. lol.
Let me just say that I may be repeating things people have said in the comments above. Too many to read through lol!
ReplyDeleteSo I'm not really a bella naija reader so I wouldn't know for sure. But I have seen a couple of igbo guys date yoruba girls and it really didn't work out. lol (you have no idea)
Also, there's this culutural thing with Igbo people too. I remember my friends mum telling him he can' bring an edo girl home and he'd better not think of a yoruba girl. My point is, as much as we'd (I'd) like to believe
We are evolving in terms of inter tribal marriages, I don't think is entirely the case. We are stuck with all the stereotypes both true and untrue that our parent's forced down our throats. We're also stuck with the random generalizations we've formed from the little or no interaction we've had with people from different cultures.
In other words,stereotypes, generalizations, culture shock and individual preferences all contribute
Lol, interesting topic
ReplyDeleteBeing ibo and married to a yoruba man, I must say it depends on the individual. As much as my parents were'nt for inter-tribal marriages, they had to give in at the end of the day.
Our challenges in marriage have never been because of our cultural differences, maybe because as individuals we have both been exposed to all facets of the nigerian cultures so.....i dunno jo, lol, but u get the bottom line, our different cultures do not cause us any form of stress.
In my circle though, i think i have less Ibo men and yoruba women willing to cross the divide. Like Ginger said "those who can can, those who cant cant".
Goodness me, how did I miss this super interesting topic. well, I think it's easier for boys to do whatever they want, they have more free will when it comes to choosing a spouse. Parents do not restrict boys as much because they are "Bringing in" a spouse. It's the opposite for women, most yoruba parents will not let their daughter marry southerners, I believe there are lots of cultural misrepresentation on both sides.
ReplyDelete