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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Thank God for Your Mother and Mine

At some point, I was sure I was adopted. I had a few arguments and pointers in my favor too
  1. All of us kids have a name scheme and mine is the only one that deviates a bit from the others.
  2. I don't explicitly look like either of my parents (I think that is changing)
  3. I used to have typhoid way too often (by my calculations) unlike the other kids so I chugged it down to genotype. To my small 7 year old mind, the only reason had to be that my genotype was totally different from theirs.
  4. Ma Petrillo, my mother, beat me the most.
What I didn't account for was that
  1. I have the sexiest name of us all.....yup, I said and stop rolling your eyes, Ngo!
  2. If not for the antiquity of Ma Petrillo's yore days pictures, I could have mistaken them for me now.
  3. My younger brother now has favorite nurses in the hospital. No matter how often these nurses are changed, he knows them by efficiency and shift too. In other words, he is fast becoming more of a customer there than I was. #nothing serious, just plain ole malaria and typhoid sometimes#
  4. Maybe I was just a "goat" is why I got beaten so much. Matter of fact, if I have me as child, I probably will beat me too.
The essence of these stories? I have an amazing mother and I am so proud of her. She is an intelligent and dutiful MOTHER. I know you are wondering at the emphasis of MOTHER.

Being a mother (should) go(es) beyond incubating an egg for 9 months and "shitting" said egg out in form of a child. It SHOULD indicate maturity especially when age is factored in, operative word being "should". I have had one a many "mother" figures in my life but I am slowly tweaking that list.

A woman was told that her son attempted to rape his sister's friend. Her response was that a penis is no respecter of humans. People, this woman is Nigerian and she is supposed to be a MOTHER, even more so, considering that she has daughters too. I don't know about you, but there is nothing appropriate about that statement and again I thank God because I know that that is something MY MOTHER would never say. Pray tell, as a young lady who hears her potential mother-in-law utter such, would be very confident in your choice to romantically partner up with her son?

I know woman who encourages her daughter to acquire material things. At some point, she even would help her unemployed student daughter to purchase gold jewelry on credit. She complained to her friend's daughter some day that she couldn't understand why men (older, married men specifically) would promise her daughter material things (like money, trips etc) and never fulfill the promises. Again, I don't know about you but I know that my mother for one will instead wonder what could have warranted such promises and she will tell you as much.

These stories are more, much deeper and much fleshier.  I cant share them in such a way that you will get the full picture. However, my point is that as mothers, mothers-in-the-making and potential mothers, we need to be careful about how we address issues, especially when it involves our children. I (sort of) understand the motherly instinct to want to protect but balance needs to be sought. We need to be able to remember that we have been enlisted by nature to act as the character blueprints for children that we nurture. Before you dismiss this as an uninformed opinion or take, let me attempt to sway you with some pieces of advice that my mum gave sometime during a discussion:

"There is no magic about how one lives for the bulk of what one exhibits is the dictate of who drives ones mind as well as how one wants to be driven. Making mistakes is no crime, making no efforts to correct the mistake is hellish. Taking one wrong decision once in a while will help one to make many other wise and right decisions."

A kii f'ini j'oye awodi, ko ma le gb'adiye (thanks Toin), a person placed in a state of authority should be able to man up to his/her responsibilities.

In other news, my technology-inept self is now on twitter, Toinlicious threw me a welcome party the other day, sorry you missed it. Follow me on @honey_dame and we can go bumper to bumper from there.

71 comments:

  1. HoneyD, you are so on point. Being a mother is much more than birthing a child. Mothers should know that a child doesn't learn from how well we instruct him/her but from how we act, what we do, words we speak.

    Shame on the rape case mother. Shame on the mother that wants to wear gold by sacrificing her daughter to the altar of materialism. God help us as we raise our kids up! Ko easy ra ra!

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  2. That's so terrible about what the woman said about rape, and she'll feel she's just protecting her son, SMH.

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    1. It sounded like a lie to me too, but it is a true story

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  3. I totally understand this because I've lived it.

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  4. wow, i don't know what inspired this but it is making a lot of sense.
    Do you know many "owe" (proverb)? gosh i want to learn o, i love the one you wrote at the end in yoruba.

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    1. Lol....thanks. I keep messing up my owes though..but if u can pay per hour, we can mess them up and pick them up together

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  5. HoneyDame, did we grow up in the same house or did our mothers go to the same 'mothering' school? My dear, I know for a fact that I am better off in life now because my mother was extremely strict. She would rather be your mother and put you on the right path, than be your friend and allow standards to slip. I actually did an enitre post on it too. Lol.
    The rape-shame mother should just keep breathing. It is gist she will hear that they have thrown tyre on her son's neck and burnt him to a crisp for raping or attempting to rape the wrong person's daughter. Nonsense.
    Iya elesho too should just relax. HIV lo ma n gbeyin iru won.
    My mother is getting a huge hug and a kiss when I get home tonight because but for God and my parents, I would not be where I am today and thank you HoneyDame, for reminding me.
    *sorry for the mini epistle btw.

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    1. LMAOOO!!!! Cherie koko o!!! our mothers must have some similarities, afterall, they both thought Richmab was a good place for us to start our elementary career.....:D

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  6. Very nice post i must say. It just made me love my mother more, only God knows what i would have become if she didn't train and discipline me the way she did.

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  7. Yep, our mothers must be sisters truly, i remember so many incidences and thinking scratch that knowing i was adopted, like you i didn't look like either parents, but that is changing now..God bless our mothers jare

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  8. Like you, I was convinced my mom did not give birth to me. Now I look forward to hearing the munchkins say the same to me. It'll be my cue that I'm doing great at the task that God committed to my hands.

    Parenting is hard. Feels great to know that God promises wisdom. I'm relying heavily on it cos all it takes is one mistake to alter the course of a childs life negatively. May God help us.

    Appreciate your mum while you still have her. Not everyone is as lucky as you.

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    1. Thanks Egbon, I am realising that with each passing day

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  9. I totally get where you're coming from HoneyDame.. I used to think I was switched at birth!! My sisters liked to read and generally be in the house while all I wanted to do was go out and play 'oga'!

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  10. Thank God for mothers. I was also the most beaten sha. I hope i don't have a mini-me. I was just too much of a mischievous minx.

    I was sure i was adopted too because
    1) i talked too much (but my siblings were so 'normal')
    2) i was soo skinny and scrawny
    3) i did not look like anyone in the house (Now, i look exactly like my mama :D)
    4) i thought my mom hated me because she beat me all the darn time (usually just 1 abara but it seemed like a lot and it was often)

    P.s: that owe, i think it's Adiye and not Asa.

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    1. You must have a mini u!! in fact, I am launching prayer n fasting sef!

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  11. Oh, goodness. I cannot speak enough about my mother. I have never put her picture up, and I'm seriously considering doing so this year. Maybe not. Per the goat thing, glad you figured that out. Definitely a goat.

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    1. Hian! Terrible geh! Will love to see a picture of ur mum sha! I am sure she would be a better fit for that award u were dissing beyonce for getting...;p!

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  12. Mothers are the best. I'm yet to see someone who doesn't think very well of their mother.

    Hahaha I think every child thinks they are adopted. Take my family for instance, I know we used to take turns with my siblings. LOL
    There was the age my mum used to make me do everything because I was the first daughter you know, and I used to swear I was adopted.
    Then my sister was very stubborn at some point and she concluded that my parents were just picking on her 'cause she's adopted.
    And my brother's own was that my parents spent on us girls than they did for him, and he just concluded it was because he was adopted and not just because he was a boy LOL

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  13. Good one HoneyDame.... Thank God for our mothers. My mum was my best friend / confidant and aproko partner until I was 13 (Long story- I was her only child so the bond was intense, a man came into her life and I felt left out). 12 years later, we are still trying to rebuild our relationship, come what may though; I wouldn’t trade her for the world.

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    1. awwww...that must have being really hard... but am glad u are rebuilding your relationship. God will help you both.

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  14. Ahn ahn, why would some mothers act this way? This is so pathetic.

    To rebuild the nation, we have to instil values in the lives of the people that live in it. The only way we can do this is for the mothers to live up to their responsibility and train their kids.

    What rubbish mothers are these ones you mentioned? I am so pissed.

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    1. If by the little u read here, u are this pissed, imagine how pissed I was when I became privy to the deeper aspects of the stories.

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  15. I read the first line and cracked up hard because i thought the same thing. I thought there was no way my mother was my biological mother because i couldn't understand why she "hated" me a.k.a didn't let me do what i wanted to do. Looking back, i cannot believe my mother beat me only two times as a child. I was horrible and i find myself praying not to have kids half as stubborn and free-spirited as i was.

    My mum didn't beat me much but she talked to me and punished me in ways that made the lessons stick, infact, not punishing me was some of the biggest lessons. Like one day when i went to be the goal keeper for the boys playing football on the streets and it hit my face and bust my lower lip. The boys took me to our gate, knocked and ran away. After my mum examined it and was sure i wasn't dying, she burst out in laughter that made me doubt her sanity and then i started crying and later joined her. lol, such wickedness! I love that woman.

    Motherhood truly goes beyond child birth, a mother is a mother till the day she dies and i am grateful to God for the mother i have been blessed with.

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    1. LMAO! Really? she burst into laughter?! I just kent! oh God!
      There were trimes when my mum didnt beat me too and those were the times when I would have to be the one to beg her to hit me...her silence and words are bees/knives..they hit n sting soo badly!

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  16. Ha ha ha this was a good post! I love my mummy, she is precious to me! I wonder what kind of mummy i will be...

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    1. An olowosibe mummy!:D
      U seem to have a wonderful predecesor, you shouldnt fall short

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  17. I used to think I was adopted also...lolz

    OMG someone's mother said that!!! smh

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  18. OMG me too
    infact i was so sure.
    i really didn like my mum in my teen years
    Im in love with her now though
    lol

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  19. on twitter? no wonder you seldom update! #sulks#

    Anyways, i feel proud on behalf of your mother. {hug her for me }

    So many things happening..that if one starts to talk, one would be overwhelmed.

    I always love your sense of humour..laughed in some parts, hence i award you the LIEBSTER award,,,which means favourite and TAG you in the game i call elevens....so catwalk...nooo, you are a doctor to be you suppose to run to your patients... so jog to my blog and see the rules.

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    1. awwww..I am tring to rectify that though I do admit that being on twitter has changed my blogging life...but other things have contributed to it too.

      I am putting up the 11s shortly...Thanks Nitty.

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    2. Oh, and Ma Petrillo read your comment and smiled too

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  20. Its sad how some mothers do things and believe they ae actually protecting their kids...setting up such a child for destruction...smh.

    Kudos to mom's who made us feel adopted...u know what I mean...lol

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    1. Abi o! it seems like the whole "adopted or not" is an undeniable yardstick (within reason). So yes, kudos to them

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  21. Hmmm na wa God help us make the right parenting choices!!! I for one am really trying to instill the core and good values i learnt from my mum into my brood and pray God does help them to stay on track!

    Cant stay she was a 100% but she did give it a good shot!

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    1. Absolutely! There isnt 100% anywhere but some came closer to it than others.
      amen to your prayers

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  22. hahaha lol @ the second number 4.like i always say mothers are amazing people.Bless them.ha welcome to twitter oya lets go there.

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  23. You've been tagged.
    http://adede01.blogspot.com/2012/05/bing-no-relation-to-actual-post.html

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  24. You have been tagged in my Elevens. No be only me go answer 22 questions *evilgrin*

    P.S: How did d grad go? catwalk and all? Hope you saw me cheering? my voice do go sef from all the screaming. prouda you *hugs*

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    1. *RME* Eniiibi! The grad was nice. The wind was threatening but God pass am! I strutted my stuff, well! thanks honey....:*

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  25. It's been awhile I came around..great post tho. I love mommy too
    P.s the elevens train has hit you...visit me for info

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    1. thanks. Just did. My response will be up soon.

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  26. Nice post hun... Mothers do play a huge part in our lives. I am so grateful and thankful for my beautiful mother. I pray potential mothers do a great job too.

    Pls check my blog I tagged u on a post.. Pls scroll down though.. thanks.

    xxx

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    1. Lol, thanks. I did. It is sitting in my draft.

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  27. Yep a true mother is a blessing I tell you irregardless of how she may have treated one in the childhood days. Nice one Honeydame.

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  28. Tagged you in the 11's game. Check my blog.

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  30. LMAOO @ adoption. Man o man, I had those random musings too. Thank God for great mothers mayne. You would think it would not be rocket science but it really is not easy to be awesome. I thank God for your mother and mine :-)

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    1. As in!!! My opinion and knowledge about "grown-up" world generally keeps evolving daily.

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  31. I love the round about way in which you gave kudos to your Mom. If with all her beatings you still turned out to be this Honeydame that we love, then she did a great job. (tongue!)

    When you hear of some mothers and the things they do or say, you sef go bow. Not everyone was meant to have a child seriously.

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    1. hahahaha! I dont know if to go "awwwww" or "scowl"! Thank God the beating phase is over! I agree that some people arent meant to have children.

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  32. Awww bless you and bless all the good mums out there. Values, values, values. Very important. If more mums instilled discipline in their children, the world would be a much better place.

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  33. Awwwwww at ur brother and the nurses and shifts.

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    1. Oh and make sure your mum reads this! Its lovely.

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    2. He is fast turning into an Ashewo boy but thank God Ma Petrillo is still aorund to beat some sense into himm:D
      I did give her the post to read. I opened it and gave her to read , then collected my thing back so that she wouldnt get enough time to memorize the url

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  34. The woman that made the comment about what her son did must be seriously delusional....So sad what some women these days have turned into....Smh

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    1. It was a shocking comment, to say the very least.

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  35. I'm glad I came across your blog. very interesting writing

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