I Need a Shrink or Maybe She Does!

Let me commence this piece with an immense reverence for the working-class bloggers!!!!

Damn, kudos to you people.

I started an internship last week Monday which is pretty much like a full time job. You know the drill, full time hours, full time job description, the whole nine yards. So even though college is on vacation, there is no holiday for me. I have been seeing you people o, I have not just been able to summon enough energy to comment. And even sometimes when I do, I would have forgotten that word verification palaver and will eventually lose the comment when I close the window.

Uhm, wetin I don take my eyes see and use my ear hear for this sekele one week ehn, na die I just dey so.  By the way, why una still dey here? Una no dey rapturable? Me don sabi say if Jesus come for that Saturday, I go need stay behind for tribulation….*side note, “Thank you Big Daddy for yet another opportunity to right my wrong.” While I am on the subject, who is with me on the stance that the man who started the rapture rumor should be flogged? What more, all those who believed in it should be tied to stakes and pelted with stone cold ice cream….wait, give me the icecream and use ice water instead. But seriously, you claim to be a Xtian, yet believe a mere mortal’s word over God’s word, concerning God’s word?!!! That is just sheer ignorance, bordering on stupidity.

And speaking of stupidity, do you know that a certain man, in the US, used his life savings on the publicity for that nonsense rumor, a savings totaling $140,000…..choi!!!! Just gimme a catapult people, let me make ofe nsala of that idiot! And what’s more, the omo ale who started the rumor gave a press release and his deduction is that he was off by 5 months. So people, let the borrowing begin and the collecting begin as well, because come Oct 21, 2011, C’ est la RAPTURE!!! 

By the way, don’t borrow with the intention of not paying back, unless you are sure that you are going to be rapturable or at least your lender will be rapturable. Because if both of you are here in the tribulation, na from here you, the borrower go begin chop your punishment and I will not be held accountable for the piece of advice because I go don dey with my Groom, my honeybunch and sugarplum, Bros Jay Honey in the heavens (if and only if the rapture is Oct. 21 o).

Moving on, on my way back from work the other day, I was in the bus and happened to be reading an email from my phone when the bus pulled over at a stop. Because I was a distracted, I didn’t look up to see the movement of passengers like I usually do. Something in the email made me laugh so as I was catching my fun, I looked up simultaneously. Behold, right in front of me was a new passenger who by my estimation weighs about 380-300 pounds, is about 5.8’’ tall and had on a weave this blue and a jacket this red! The laughter died in my larynx (abi wherever it is laughter comes from. Sting, help a sister out!). I was traumatized! In fact, when she was getting off the bus, a distracted high school boy getting on, literally jumped back out of the bus on sighting her because by the time he noticed her, she was millimeters away from him. (If you are Nigerian, think the Mount Zion “Daniwu” character).

Full BLUE WEAVE on a CRIMSON LEATHER jacket!

I am going for therapy because I think I am scarred for life by that sight.

If this clown of a lady happens to be reading this, I forgive you this time, but DON’T U EVER DO IT AGAIN!!!

My people, do drop your kind words (and or maybe the not so kind ones too) to aid my speedy recovery from the hideous sight