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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I Need a Shrink or Maybe She Does!

Let me commence this piece with an immense reverence for the working-class bloggers!!!!

Damn, kudos to you people.

I started an internship last week Monday which is pretty much like a full time job. You know the drill, full time hours, full time job description, the whole nine yards. So even though college is on vacation, there is no holiday for me. I have been seeing you people o, I have not just been able to summon enough energy to comment. And even sometimes when I do, I would have forgotten that word verification palaver and will eventually lose the comment when I close the window.

Uhm, wetin I don take my eyes see and use my ear hear for this sekele one week ehn, na die I just dey so.  By the way, why una still dey here? Una no dey rapturable? Me don sabi say if Jesus come for that Saturday, I go need stay behind for tribulation….*side note, “Thank you Big Daddy for yet another opportunity to right my wrong.” While I am on the subject, who is with me on the stance that the man who started the rapture rumor should be flogged? What more, all those who believed in it should be tied to stakes and pelted with stone cold ice cream….wait, give me the icecream and use ice water instead. But seriously, you claim to be a Xtian, yet believe a mere mortal’s word over God’s word, concerning God’s word?!!! That is just sheer ignorance, bordering on stupidity.

And speaking of stupidity, do you know that a certain man, in the US, used his life savings on the publicity for that nonsense rumor, a savings totaling $140,000…..choi!!!! Just gimme a catapult people, let me make ofe nsala of that idiot! And what’s more, the omo ale who started the rumor gave a press release and his deduction is that he was off by 5 months. So people, let the borrowing begin and the collecting begin as well, because come Oct 21, 2011, C’ est la RAPTURE!!! 

By the way, don’t borrow with the intention of not paying back, unless you are sure that you are going to be rapturable or at least your lender will be rapturable. Because if both of you are here in the tribulation, na from here you, the borrower go begin chop your punishment and I will not be held accountable for the piece of advice because I go don dey with my Groom, my honeybunch and sugarplum, Bros Jay Honey in the heavens (if and only if the rapture is Oct. 21 o).

Moving on, on my way back from work the other day, I was in the bus and happened to be reading an email from my phone when the bus pulled over at a stop. Because I was a distracted, I didn’t look up to see the movement of passengers like I usually do. Something in the email made me laugh so as I was catching my fun, I looked up simultaneously. Behold, right in front of me was a new passenger who by my estimation weighs about 380-300 pounds, is about 5.8’’ tall and had on a weave this blue and a jacket this red! The laughter died in my larynx (abi wherever it is laughter comes from. Sting, help a sister out!). I was traumatized! In fact, when she was getting off the bus, a distracted high school boy getting on, literally jumped back out of the bus on sighting her because by the time he noticed her, she was millimeters away from him. (If you are Nigerian, think the Mount Zion “Daniwu” character).


I am going for therapy because I think I am scarred for life by that sight.

If this clown of a lady happens to be reading this, I forgive you this time, but DON’T U EVER DO IT AGAIN!!!

My people, do drop your kind words (and or maybe the not so kind ones too) to aid my speedy recovery from the hideous sight


  1. That $140,000 could have been put to better use. Kai! What a waste!

  2. I'm with you o. THank God it didn't happen. I won't lie sha, I did pray to God to forgive my sins... etc.. even though Jesus said no one knows when the rapture will happen. I figured it wouldn't hurt to be prepared... who knows.. the real thing just might have coincided with the date the Oyibo man talk ^_^ Oya throw ice cream at me. My mouth dey open wide... Ohh... I forgot you said people should only throw ice wata. Oya no throw wata for my face abeg.

    Na wa for that woman with d blue hair o_0

  3. I read about that guy who wasted his life savings. smh. And LOL at this chick with the blue hair. Thats too funny. Some people sef, i swear they don't have mirrors in their house

  4. Eh ya,sorry dear.Sometimes we just get traumatized by some very horrid sights!

  5. Hahah!! She must be enjoying the shocker she's giving everyone. Honestly, i concur- they should all be flogged! They're giving Christians a bad name


  6. Blue hair and Red Jacket?
    Are you sure she wasnt a clown off to a kid's party?

  7. Working and keeping a blog is not an easy deal at all especially with crazy deadlines and nosey colleagues.

    That sumbori wit her colour riot may be going thru midlife crisis sha.

    Take care!

    (cant log in, dunno why)

  8. Thats what might be called a 'sight to sore eyes'. I'm kinda feeling the color combo shaa. She wont be forgotten in a hurry....see your blog has inadvertedly immortalised her lol.
    Harold Camping needs to be hospitalsed. adighi m sure that all is still alright up there. imho.

  9. LOL @ Blue Weave and Red Jacket. Yes that Harold Guy needs to be seriously flogged!!!

  10. I totally agree that the people that believed harold and even went as far as selling their stuff shlld be pelted with ICE BLOCK! lol
    And omg hahaha, what was that woman thinking!!

  11. The chic with blue hair and red jacket was just being patriotic, abi it was in the UK or US you saw her? LOL...

  12. So you can see that working class bloggers are not finding it funny at all abi?
    Wheneva I am at work, I do my blog rounds by 6.30am, can you imagine?
    But when I am at client site, I do my blog rounds around 8-9pm ( if there is light at home)I am that dedicated to blogsville.
    Some people will perish because of Iggnorance

  13. Well hang in there while working on the internship. Try to learn something new to take away when you leave. Girl - dont get me started on those stupid rapture people. If they pull out the bible and read it (instead of thumping it and shoving in people's faces) they would have known better and put their $ to good use! (or heck - give it to me!) Oh and about that passenger - you gotta learn to take photos with your phone on the sly..we in blogland would have loved to seen that! LOL!

  14. Oh my! $140,000!!! Thats a fortune! You have to me darn sure you are on your way to heaven before you squander that amount of money!! The man dulled himself...majorly!

    Btw, i tagged you in a meme. And whats your twitter handle?

  15. hahaha. lol @ the blue weave on red jacket. Poor school boy...I hope he didn't have that image in his head all day @ school.

    As for the guy who spent his life savings on "publicising" the rapture...hmmmm...I reserve my comments.

  16. *Laughing* funny as usual...i hear you about working & blogging...am far behind also..and about the rapture issue..i wonder if they don't read their bibles..it's the same man that predicted in 1994! The lady in red jacket and blue hair needs special deliverance by MFM style!>.hahahhahahaaaa....na wa!...take care xoxo

  17. Babes, the work hasnt taken you over has it? Breathe! Blog!

  18. hahaha!
    Perhaps she only just got her memorial day outfit in the mail :P
    How's work?


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