Wedding Nuggets

Everything around me seems a bit uptight, even the weather is so uptight with that stupid pollution that is the everyday weather here in China. So, to lighten things up a likkle bit, here is to the brides-in-the-making, Doll and  Pretty Lashes (I am sure there are more, but their names elude me at this time...do well to help jump-start my memory if you remember).
 I have this thing for weddings and ish. It might have stemmed from the fact that I had quite a deprived childhood, event-wise. Anyway, there is this photography page I "like" on FB. Oh, all those wedding pictures!!!! *drool* worthy!
Here is a note they shared at some point....



Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes. (Jesos!!! oh ye married ones, biko, is this true? Make I kukuma renew subscription with Single with Boyfriend club! May we not encounter evil! 45mins is evil!!!)

 Quick Update: Given that this has been very ambiguous, I am taking the liberty to interpret this as follows because:  (1) I can   (2) My mind is constantly in the gutter   (3) Did I mention I can?

Ok, so I strongly believe that the it means that boyfriend spends 45mins more than husband pre, peri and post coital.


Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.

Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.

Q: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just sit there in the dark and complain. (and even try to take advantage of the period sef! mchewww)

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife. (I am sorry, you can't make reference to this blog in the actulaization of this. You read my pseudo-disclaimer, aye?)

Q: Why are men and parking spaces alike?
A: Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.

Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.  (Idiot, what was so funny? May angel Gabriel give him a dirty slap at the golden gate!)



Speaking of brides-in-the-making, I had a conversation with my mum yesterday and it bordered on hysterical. She had attended a wedding in Nigeria so I asked how it went. She did the usual, and ended with the usual prayers, Eyin naa a se iru e o (You will also do likewise wrt the wedding). So, boosted with my A1 in Yoruba language confidence, I decided to say a prayer and said "Eyin iyawo a m'eni o" (The bride's back will recognize the floor (literal meaning). Mama Mia just burst into laughter. After her explanation, I realised that I had just cursed this poor couple who don't even know who the heck I am! I was supposed to have negated my statement, ie "Eyin iyawo oni m'eni o". The translation of this is that everything is supposed to happen so fast (pregnancy) that the bride won't even realize they had been using the mat to do the deed.

Similarly, when Ngor (again, not the famous LadyNgo) was much younger, she had heard my folks greet people during the festive period saying "Odun a y'abo o". "Abo" in yoruba means female. So she thought it was gender sensitive and when the next male came calling she attempted to greet like an elderly person and said "Odun a y'ako o". By saying that, she had just cursed the coming year, saying it wasn't going to augur well!!!!


Oh the Horror!!!
 
Happy new month in advance. May your expectations not be cut short.