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Monday, October 31, 2011

Wedding Nuggets

Everything around me seems a bit uptight, even the weather is so uptight with that stupid pollution that is the everyday weather here in China. So, to lighten things up a likkle bit, here is to the brides-in-the-making, Doll and  Pretty Lashes (I am sure there are more, but their names elude me at this time...do well to help jump-start my memory if you remember).
 I have this thing for weddings and ish. It might have stemmed from the fact that I had quite a deprived childhood, event-wise. Anyway, there is this photography page I "like" on FB. Oh, all those wedding pictures!!!! *drool* worthy!
Here is a note they shared at some point....

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes. (Jesos!!! oh ye married ones, biko, is this true? Make I kukuma renew subscription with Single with Boyfriend club! May we not encounter evil! 45mins is evil!!!)
 Quick Update: Given that this has been very ambiguous, I am taking the liberty to interpret this as follows because:  (1) I can   (2) My mind is constantly in the gutter   (3) Did I mention I can?
Ok, so I strongly believe that the it means that boyfriend spends 45mins more than husband pre, peri and post coital.

Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.

Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.

Q: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just sit there in the dark and complain. (and even try to take advantage of the period sef! mchewww)

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife. (I am sorry, you can't make reference to this blog in the actulaization of this. You read my pseudo-disclaimer, aye?)

Q: Why are men and parking spaces alike?
A: Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.

Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.  (Idiot, what was so funny? May angel Gabriel give him a dirty slap at the golden gate!)

Speaking of brides-in-the-making, I had a conversation with my mum yesterday and it bordered on hysterical. She had attended a wedding in Nigeria so I asked how it went. She did the usual, and ended with the usual prayers, Eyin naa a se iru e o (You will also do likewise wrt the wedding). So, boosted with my A1 in Yoruba language confidence, I decided to say a prayer and said "Eyin iyawo a m'eni o" (The bride's back will recognize the floor (literal meaning). Mama Mia just burst into laughter. After her explanation, I realised that I had just cursed this poor couple who don't even know who the heck I am! I was supposed to have negated my statement, ie "Eyin iyawo oni m'eni o". The translation of this is that everything is supposed to happen so fast (pregnancy) that the bride won't even realize they had been using the mat to do the deed.

Similarly, when Ngor (again, not the famous LadyNgo) was much younger, she had heard my folks greet people during the festive period saying "Odun a y'abo o". "Abo" in yoruba means female. So she thought it was gender sensitive and when the next male came calling she attempted to greet like an elderly person and said "Odun a y'ako o". By saying that, she had just cursed the coming year, saying it wasn't going to augur well!!!!

Oh the Horror!!!
Happy new month in advance. May your expectations not be cut short.


  1. Lol @ why women fake orgasms! Thats HELLA funny!!

    My mom always says that prayer after talking about a wedding too!!


  2. Lol. Honeydame. This is too funny. My Yoruba is absolutely rubbishy. .grrr.
    Lol at may angel Gabriel give him a dirty slap at the golden gate- picture that and its absolutely hilarious. Lol

  3. I literally LOL'd at "because those men already have boyfriends"!

    Now you've got me back on wedding fever with that fb page. Its bad enough every time i turn around someone i know is getting engaged or married!

  4. I can only imagine what you were thinking when you wrote this post...But come to think of it why do men want virgins if they are not scared of criticism?lol..... chizys-spyware.blogspot.com

  5. Honey you wont kill sombory o. This is too funny. This means i shall have a gr8 week.
    lmao@sensitive, caring, and good-looking. kai. How will i find my own bayi?

    About the light bulb, i rebuke the spirit of lazy hubby. Amen!

    Yoruba is just too rich. There's a greeting for everything. I used this proverb with my mom (Alo rami rami lan ri...)and she schooled me properly that the word is "Lami Lami" cos it's an insect that perches on water. ko easy

  6. What is 45mins? I didn't get that part.

  7. Hahaha!!
    And thanks for your comments.. Xx Have a great day!

  8. lwkm................ure too funny

  9. Fuunny post..lol @ the men that already had boyfriends..ha

    I didnt get the 45mins and mom's prayer..forgive me I am still learning


  11. Funny post...LOL
    i'm rolling @ "odun yi a y'ako"

  12. Great blog, some I agree with, some I do not, but that is OK. Keep on blogging

  13. ok i literally laughted out loud.this is hilarious.lmao

  14. Honeydame, u no go kill person! "fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest.......?" mehn! that had me ROFLMAO! You no be am at all at all.

  15. Funny note, as for the 45mins, what can I say, make sure you marry your boyfriend, lol...

    The last mix-up with the proverbs is so funny!

  16. Myne gave the perfect answer to 45mins. hear hear.

    new dog and new man..lol. maybe i should get a dog on my wedding day?..planning ahead :p

  17. Nigerian mothers and weddings!!! LOL!!

  18. LOL, you are just a clown babe. Nice answers to the questions.

  19. So funny and very true. Men who are not virgins themselves who want virgins are jokers!
    I think point one is a reason why men want virgins ;) Too much pressure and too much expectation. Sometimes that one minute can be a whole lot better than a prolonged 45minute. Sometimes, you just want it quick and fast - there's some fun in that. OH and by the way i'm saying that because I can!;p

  20. Even though this post was kinda gender biased,i still can't deny the fact that it was an interesting one.So your mind is always in the gutter huh? Interesting!

  21. lol..your yoruba is perfect don't worry Lol:)

  22. Just died of laughter and woke up again!


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