Welcome.Ekaabo.Kedu.Merhaba.Akwaaba.Lafia. Bienvenue

>>>quick announcement->Fasten your seat belt..'cos you might be in for a crazy ryde...:)

Monday, April 18, 2011

Social Experiences 101

DISCLAIMER: All images were gotten from google.com

I think I joined Facebook sometime in 2008. At that time, it was the “in” thing and every happening person was on Facebook. It all made sense after I relocated to the States because it made communication a little bit better and gave a sense of being around the people you would have loved to be around but for the geographic distance.

However, increasingly, I (and the rest of the world) am realizing how much of a bad idea it is turning out to be. Please exercise some patience and walk with me.

The first red flag came from the kind of comments which people dropped especially on pictures. I am an oldie at heart and an almost avid believer of the dictum that you keep to yourself a negative compliment. I say “almost avid” because when the pictures are of my very very close friends and family members, I am usually the first to make fun of them/tease, when need be. Why? Personally, I am a very jovial person and more often than not, things I say should not be taken to heart. These people understand that and that makes it ok. But for the others, I really don’t want you asking me why I am so fat compared to 5 years ago…:-o.  I wouldn’t ask you same! So, mbok, for the hatred of homicide, keep your “un-well-thought” comments to yourself. Basically, most sense of social etiquette and decorum is lost while in the clouds.

Another was from two creepy situations. I was talking with one of my “I-wan-be-your-man” boys and he told me of how my picture was his computer’s background image…:-o! Ohkay!!!! My pictures are really that accessible?! As if this was not enough, one of my juniors from high school added me. He would comment on my pictures and all sort. I regarded him as a younger brother since he is close to my younger brother’s age anyway. Tell me why I instinctively went on his profile one day and starring back at me was me! My pictures were all over his wall with captions like “Isn’t she hot?”, “Sexy” etc. I am not talking of 1,2,3 pictures, I am talking of a whole frigging album! Now imagine the kind of comments boys about 5-6 years your junior will be writing. I was mortified and unfriended him, sharp sharp.

The third came from some accidental incidences. Prior to my relocation to the States, there was this group of boys in my area. They consisted of step brothers and their friends, about 5 of them in all. I used to talk to them (one of them was trying to date me) and my mum knew them because she was once their principal. It took a while but they eventually joined Facebook. We corresponded a couple of times but I soon got tired of the usual, “ah, na u dey enjoy o!” kindda discussion. When I went to Nigeria last year, they came to the house to say hi and one of them refused to come with the rest. When I asked after his whereabouts, they told me that he was crossed with me. My offence? Oh! I ignored some of his comments on Facebook while responding to some others. Was it intentional on my part? Nope! As it so happens, some comments get me more animated than others and somewhere along the line; it is easy for me to forget to personally acknowledge some. But how could I explain this to the youngman when his accusation held true a couple of times (apparently, he had been on the lookout and was counting). I felt bad and had to send him an email.

Another of those incidences happened with another friend, lets call her Plaid (shall we? :)). You see, this friend is an exhilarating person. Her view of the world and life gets me thinking. Even though I don’t usually agree with most of her takes, it still tickles me to her such different perspectives. Last semester, she was going through a phase in her r/ship and as such, had quite a bit of time on her hands. We hung out a lot and took quite some pictures on different occasions. This semester, I realized she seemed a bit standoffish. I attributed it to her rejuvenated relationship (= she ain got me time anymore, no wahala there). Because of the kind of person I perceive her to be, I didn’t push it. She is the type who would ask you why you are asking after her. She means no harm but that’s just the way she is. Sometime last week, a newly-made friend came over while I was cooking. She then told me that Plaid was coming over. Plaid came over and I teased and joked about how she had abandoned me and all. I got done cooking and we moved back to my room to massacre the Iyan and Efo Elegusi (Couldn’t resist chipping that in, sorry). As my other friend was lemzing the poor plate of food, I made to pick up my camera and take funny pictures of her. Plaid then made a comment and said something about me taking all those/these pictures and not knowing what I did with them. She them told me that she wouldn’t allow me take a picture of her till I put up the ones I had from last year on FB. I sort of made a joke of the whole thing. My other friend left and Plaid and I got talking. She then proceeded to tell me about how she had a bit of issue with something I said last semester. We had planned on cooking together and I was pretty excited because it was for a breakfast of Yam and eggs. I guess I made a comment on her status or on mine saying something about me heading to her place to enslave her with my yam and eggs. She took offense to that. I apologized. She then went on to tell me how I got her thinking because I never put up pictures that featured me and her, yet I have pictures of me and like one/two of my other friends on FB.  *Sigh*

Permit me to digress a little bit here. 

I am finding out that my attitude towards FB is a bit unusual and unconventional for someone my age. While most of this has to do with my upbringing (because Ngor exhibits some of these characteristics too), I think it has been amalgamated into my personality as well. Some of the reasons are:

      As I have said, several times, I am an FB stalker (What? Ain no shame in my game). What fun is there in logging on, only to view my status updates or my pictures? I see loots of stuff! I find ways of circumventing blocked profiles. All it takes is for someone to have tagged you in a picture. My discoveries during my stalking adventures make me very cynical towards the network. Hence, I rarely update my status, I put up pictures eons after it was taken, I mix pictures in an album etc etc etc.

I am a bit of a private person. I kind of have an aversion to people knowing all of my business, from where I school to what I study to what I eat to my routine (You get the picture?). Once in a while I hint at some things and that’s all (the people who matter will understand what I am hinting at). Because of this, you will rarely find updates like “Hanging out with xxxx” and all those stuff. I don’t have a problem with people who do all aforementioned. You guys keep me amused otherwise; your profiles will be as boring as mine.

I actually care (maybe a tad too much) about perception (sometimes and on select issues). Maybe I am a people pleaser *shrug*. That’s why you probably won’t find me putting up pictures of a ceremonial activity in my life, but will put up those for my friends. E.g., I might not put up pictures of my birthday bash, but I will willingly put up those of my friend’s. Maybe I feel that it says something about my presence without wanting to come out as a vain person. I occasionally go through my albums and delete some before uploading new ones.

This is getting too long. I guess I have to write it in parts. But really, I think I am too over-analytical and complex…*sigh*


  1. Personally, i think FB has overstayed its usefulness for those of us who joined early... or maybe its cos of the entire crap that goes down there these days?!

    Just as u've pointed out, there's too much info being spilled there and may get a lil uncomfortable if u like to get ur personal gist personal.

    In the end, u have the choice of limitin ur interaction, sealing off 'friends' and/or shutting down ur account... better still, move the journey to twitter.

  2. lol i totally understand you. i don't upload albums anymore and i just change my profile pic from time to time. do not write status updates either and totally love circumventing blocked profiles. there is plenty of amebo to be done on people's profiles via fb o!

  3. This is too much oh..so I'll start from the top...hmmm I believe if you have nothing good to say then don't say nothing atall... I would've reported those two creepy stalkers to fb smh....and I think I understand where your friend, Plaid, is coming from... Most ppl are fb stalkers smh and there's nothing wrong with you caring about how others see you...I wonder how many times I've deleted my fb page to go back on it again... the only advice I can give you is to delete your account if you can't handle it and you can always go back when you're ready...goodluck

  4. mmmmmmmm........my two kobo:

    I have to admit that I am not on Facebook because I find the whole thing a bit intrusive.

    If someone has not been in my life for over 10-15 years, there is a good reason why.

    300 Facebook friends will never be the same as one friend who will come over and take care of you when you are down.

  5. i joined '08 too but now i dont take fb seriously anymore,i only go there for the birthday greetings and amebor..lol simples
    besides the "privacy" settings is getting better so u can control how u want your things to be.
    ah u can analyze o..ahan LOL

  6. FB was intrusive from the word 'GO',but it's not just Fb but all social networking site.I thinking of terminating my account.

  7. I've been on FB since 08 if not 07. No complaints here I must say. I stalk and lurk too. My friends and I have sort of plateau-ed. We know the politicians, the wise crackers, the football freaks, the naughty ones, the rebels with causes. Few surprises.
    Sorry you've had some nasty experiences. Those pix ones are real creepy!!!!

  8. OO waooo.. You took ur time with this one. LMAO@ ur younger brothers friend. awww, poor boor he was crushing on u.
    On a more serious not though, facebook has it good n bad side. I left summer last year, not sure If I will go back or not.

  9. lol i also joined fb in 2008 and yes it's scary knowing just about anyone can have ur picture if they choose to lol. I am tired of pretty much every socia network, seriously considering deactivating every online account xcept blogger.

  10. I understand your sentiments in regards to FB. Most people I know feel the same way. I just make sure the people I add to my page I actually like and therefore I have a very simple e-life..:)

    stay sweet!

  11. Lots of people are starting to see how dangerous, and maybe even unnecessary facebook is. I think the novelty is seriously wearing off. And there are actually too many beefs and suspicious status updates around lol


  12. Lots of people are starting to see how dangerous, and maybe even unnecessary facebook is. I think the novelty is seriously wearing off. And there are actually too many beefs and suspicious status updates around lol


  13. Facebook is good for networking, and for those in high school and college, otherwise one has to be careful on it.

  14. I just dont DO facebook anymore. I took an IT class in school where they made us read every word of the FB ToS. From then on, I just avoided facebook. Apart from it being too intrusive, there is no telling what FB does with ur account. And what freaked me out the most is the fact that they don't check out people that create apps on facebook. This is worrying cos, I'm not an apps person but if my friend adds on a new app, the owner of that app is privy to my details by virtue of the fact that I'm friends with someone that uses or has his/her apps and that's just creepy.

  15. Yes it depends on your personality. I like the interactive side of facebook, where you put a topical issue and people write in.I have restricted the albums I am fond of, and I receycle my profile picture

    I only stalk wedding albums to see the interior decor on the hall, the colors chosen and the couples outfit. I still maintain that outdoor weddings are the best! Some of those decors are depressing jor.lol

    Facebook is designed to be as intrusive as possible so its best you delete what you dont want people to see. chikena


  16. I personally think facebook has lost its value.

  17. I share some of your sentiments and my take is - trust your instincts.
    FB helped me a lot at first cos my work got a lot of attention. I put up pictures of my work and people would tag me in pictures of dresses I made for them and I got lots of new clients.
    I stopped putting my personal business up when I got an email from a friend warning me about letting people know my itinerary on FB cos someone got robbed when a random guy on her street told some other random boys that she was coming back into the country. He found out on FB. Scary...

  18. Hey..I have mixed feelings about FB and I've always lived in the States. I wanted to give you an FYI. Whenever you FB stalk people, FB has a way of putting your profile in that person's 'You May Know Them' category for them to see your face pop up to help you make a connection. So if you dont want people to FB stalk you - stop checking them out. Because FB tries to connect you whether you like it or not. (I learned the hard way).

  19. Totally agree with P.E.T.

    I personally find the place boring.. monologues, irrelevant issues, nonsensical talks..i seldom visit there that FB do send me message to remind me..hahahahaa...the only good thing there is that, it helps to find lost friends, & make new ones..apart from that..ZILCH!...if it's to chat, i prefer using yahoo.

  20. From the analysis you have made of FB, all I can say is thank God I'm not on FB. A lot of my friends, siblings, wife, cousins etc have asked me at one point or the other to join them on FB, but I blatantly refused. At least this has safed me the agony of having to "unfriended" anybody.

    Like Ibhade said, I also chat using yahoo.

  21. Interesting post. I think FB is as private or as intrusive as one chooses to use it. I hardly upload pics and I keep things brief as much as possible. It's definitely good for keeping up with old friends. I find twitter a little impersonal. I just don't get twitter. Maybe I will, eventually.

  22. FB can be just like high school all over again. I have a friend who noticed someone deleted her from their friends list and she became obsessed with finding out who it was. Why? Who cares? If someone deleted her, so be it...why waste time searching this person out? I figure it's that person's loss.

  23. I think FB can be private if you make it. I made it private and even some things are private to people on my friends list. I only add people I know [have met] and had an old FB and put people I knew but some of them didn't chat with me to say hi [FB for me is for friends and to stay in touch] so I got a new FB and only added those I talk to and others looked for me but I added them back but if they don't talk to me then I delete them. It's sad but FB is to keep in touch for me.



HoneyDames n Dudes