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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Starafically Acclimatising

     More in the way of  how much Beijing reminds me of Naija is the effectiveness of traffic lights. It is almost laughable. Just like it is adhered to religiously in some parts of Nigeria, so it is here. But more often than not, when the pedestrian light goes red is when some chicken-legged group of chinkos will decide it is a good time to cross and conversely for the vehicle drivers. So I found it very funny when during orientation, one of the program directors told us to be careful about the traffic light situation. We were told to be on alert and not be the first or last person to cross. My response to that was "Dont worry, I gat it. I have had maaaaany years of practice." And true to my words, you should see me flying on the road, Lagos-style. Give it up for your girl o, na me dey take all my oyinbo friends across the road.....local champion toh badt!

     What I have failed to mention in my bravado though is how many times I have managed to either escape being run over or restrain from hitting a driver badly. The only thing that keeps me from carrying out that last part is that just in the nick of time, I always remember that I am in Kung Fu, Taekwando and all those Martial Arts Domain. That is to say, I will be worse for it should I even attempt it! Anyway, by run over, I know you will naturally assume I meant by cars. WRONG! The population of bicycles in this city is almost as much as the population of China's residents (You get the picture?). It almost seems to be like for each resident of Beijing, there are 3 bicycles available; one for the head, one for the arms and one for the legs. They are anywhere and everywhere. So not only do I have to contend with the traffic lights satire, nonsense cars drivers, but also the labyrinth of bikers.

 Note: I tried putting up nice pictures to corroborate my story for some hours now but either Blogger is upset with me about something or it is Internet-Gangs-Up-Against-HoneyDame-Day.

     I mean, I am black, duh! Not even a light-skinned Naija babe..Correct dudu osun (hyperbole much) so I have had my fair share of stares, especially when I just relocated to the States. So when my friend who had been to China before told me to watch out for outright "starafication", I thought- what the heck?! Been there done that!. Boy was I wrong. I had sort of prepared for the "starafication" but what I didnt bargain for was cameras being shoved in my face. Choi! I carry nyash troway for Chinese people! Dey can fit stare!!!!! They make me feel like they are an untapped medical answer to coma. Just take a Chinese to a patient who has been comatose for the longest time. Dem fit stare till the patient go instinctively carry hand to cover hin face!

     Last week I went to one of the malls and I was trying to buy ice cream when I noticed motion in front of me. On raising my face, what I saw was a lady and her companion blatantly taking a picture of me and before I could even mouth "Eh", she was by my side for another shot - albeit a chummy posture. Naija babe like me, I sharply slung my arm around her shoulder like we were friends from last century so that when she was done I was able to say "Ma, that will be 250RMB but for you, I'll make it 200RMB" with an outstretched hand (iKid about the money part, if she understood Yoruba or English I could have pulled it off). I take the bus to work. Before I get to the the bus stop, the stares light the path for me, maka y! And when I get on the bus?! Different story! It is almost like a game of who can out-stare the other. But now that I think about it, a young black girl in China who speaks and understands only a phrase of Chinese, taking the metropolitaion bus and subway is enough to pique anybody's curiosity up to the point of staring indiscriminately......NOT!!!

     Enough of Beijing for now, this post CANNOT be published if I dont confess my blog love for 9jaGreat, I knew you were the one for my virtual self right from the start. That poem validated it in mind (as well as about 5 other bloggers). What do you say, let's elope to Beijing and live "starafically" after?

    Each time I make up my mind to call your attention to these bloggers I stumbled on the other day, I forget. But today na today, so if you are yet to discover the pleasures that are CherryWine, Hazel and Mcyriuss, you are on a long thing!

   I thought I had my blogger access figured out but it isn't as clear cut as I would like it to be. So, I realize how much of the goings-on that I missed. NG, you gotta just make sure to drop by once in a while. Your blog as well as a couple others are the reason I attempted this ever. Congrats on making partner and goodluck, but you sha still gotta make appearances, once in a while, koyo (my lame attempt at Edo language). As for the recent blogville trend, not that I want to add fuel to any fire (if there was any in the first place) but just in case you still haven't had enough of it and want to read one more write up to that effect, check here.


  1. Looooollll at starafication o. Men, you too funny.

    You were so bold in asking that woman for money, I guess she must have been dumbfounded. No shaking jo, you'll be alright

  2. laughed throughout. can see u re enjoying china....if yu sef see oyibo dey follow yu enter BRT, u sef go look o. no blame dem..........be careful with the road crossing, i no fit shout o.lol

  3. Yeiiiiii she is BACKKKKKK... okay.. I am at work and I cant stop laughing. they turned you to a mini celebrity ooo. kaiii! lol. "chicken-legged group of chinkos" #dead. hahahahhahahaha.

  4. I've heard of how people in those parts haven't seen enough blacks, at least you're filling your quota, lol. Keep safe and no Taekwando! LOL...

  5. Hahahahahaha You no go kill person Honey! Those Chinko no well o.Make dem stop to look you,else...

  6. LMAOOOO @ the staring..mehn oga o.
    Take care

  7. @ilola, lol, i asked for the money in my mind jare.

    @luciano, i thought about that too but decided that true true, Naija people stare but with style and swag. dem for at least try to be discreet about it...mchew! I fitn't shout either o..lol. Thanks for dropping by.

    9jaFOODie, I was just going to call an SOS on u say where u bin dey all these while. The schedule has been erratic, as well as the internet. e tire me jare

    Myne, you would have thought I was an alien or something, some of them would sight me first then call the attention of all others around them to see "African Wonder"...mchew.

    9jagreat, you wan pretend as if u no see my proposal ehn?! U nor wan relocate to Beijing? lol

    NikkiSho, thanks jare...ah! I need to tell you people a story on hair matters! choi! I should have listened more to you o!

  8. lol @ Starafically

    I guess it an Asian thingy to stare. Indian no dey carry last for matter of staring. As in them go stare one enter motor mouth. Even drivers go turn no face front.

    This your gist, just dey read like my Indian story. enjoy your self for Chinko land.

  9. Honey Dame o! ROTFLMAO @ starification. As a celeb kinda sturvs na. But i heard there were tons of Naija people in China na and if not, some of their brothers must be in Naija right now selling us substandard materials and toasters so why are they acting like they've never seen 'us' before. I love the fact that you are the road-crossing champ. That tickled me. Lol.
    Welcome back. And thank you for the mentionm you're the sweetest! stay safe in beijing o. No let them take keke break your leg abeg.

  10. LOL!! "Naija babe like me, I sharply slung my arm around her shoulder like we were friends from last century" Now that cracked me up!!

  11. This is so hilarious. I loved reading this post, kinda reminds me lot of things about Naija. Gosh, I've been away for too long. Thanks for visiting me at REFLEXIONS.

  12. hahahahahaa.@as a real naija babe..i like you, no dulling"maka y"lol..loving your blog.Thanks for visiting mine..watch those calabar girls well oooo..lol

  13. It took you long enough to update. loving the creative title star/stare! Abeg represent us well jare.

    @Cherrywine - i heard the Nigerians in China are mainly my yellow ibo boys while Dudy oshuns are rarities. Honey confirm lol ;)

  14. loooool you should have pulled that off joh, just ask her for 250rmb. very funny experience sounds pretty cool. :)

  15. hahahahahaha... i read this in the library and got stared or should i say starafied at cos of how hard u made me laugh.
    Great post, have a lovely time there and please stay safe

  16. Yay...Honeydame is blogging again! lol. Careful out there missy before you find your picture on a billboard- advertising something you do not know about and also don't get run over by a "cyclist" purlease. Enjoy!

  17. Lmbo!!! Did they really take a pic of you? Na wa o... this people are bold o. Now I want to visit Beijing lol. Put up pics whenever please :)

  18. hahahahahaha @ osu dudu, crossing the road lagos style and the pic-posing...who wan try u ehn?

    now wait a minute o...ARE THERE NO BLACKS IN CHINA???.....why the stares?

    p.s xoxxo :D which you the best dear sister.

  19. OMG i didnt know being a black in China was such a big deal lol!
    I should pack my bags and go there, atleast i'll never have to crave attention since i have it in excess,lol.
    I jst want to say, this is one of the few blogs i'm always eager to check out :D

  20. Girl - It sounds like you are having a "time" in your new surroundings. Love Love Love how you handled the lady who wanted to take a picture with you. Its weird how people get when they see someone of a different race that they have never been exposed to. (I am black and went to Maine in winter. Black people dont go to Maine. And EVERYONE was staring at me. Didnt know of the term: starification. But now, it all makes sense). Hang in there and keep blogging!

  21. hehehe, honey o, grl, ur sonthing else. u soo will fit in with my aunt. still lmao@awon chinkos but seriously, dem dey stare that bad? kai. tot our brovas were everywhere na.

  22. @Lara, it has got to be...the starafication is on a kentro level! And I still want that Sari!

    @CherryKoko, that got me wondering too. For all the looks, you could have thought I was an alien or something. As for the mention, na to talk about good thing wey I see and bin dey enjoy na!

    @mstizzle, mission accomplished then...:D

    @Nekkys, that's what I said too o.

    @Emeh, I am banishing myself to the mountain top with immediate alacrity...lol. thanks for dropping by.

    @GingerSawg, no vex. This iss just soo crazy here, the timing doesnt help matters either. And the internet connection in my hostel?! Unspeakable!

    Coy~Introvert, ah, the woman would just plead dumb and form as if she nor understand me...very crafty people!

    @Dosh, *straight face* In Shaggy's voice, "It wasn't me"

    @Missy Tee, now that will be hella hilarious...I wonder what I would do if that happens. As for the cyclists, if Ihave managed to never get hit in Naija, no way is it happening here!

    @Tobi, you should!!! I will soonest

    @NG, aWWWWW Thanks for obliging me. I really appreciate your taking time out to respond...Dont be a stranger o! U know I am hammering it to you now! ehnehn!

    @Kitkat, lmao, you little attention-seeker! AWW,.. u done gone make me mushy!!(did that come out right?) That makes me smile, it really does...muah!

    @itsjustmedaringtodream, been a bit ma'am. How is everything going?Lol, as you might have deduced, I love "bastardizing" English language by coming up with some ridiculous sounding words that really dont exist in the language....just for fun. The stares can be so annoying..

    @Toinlicious, aah, that's a big compliment o! abi is it not the same Aunt with humor the size of texas?! Thanks for dropping by.

  23. Just read this post and even if it sounds like you are a mini celebrity, it's quite pathetic that Chinese people act like they haven't seen a black lady before. I really am surprised, girl you are bold o, wow!

  24. Sorry it took so long to answer you, motherhood has taken its toll on me. Here: http://thediaryofalostone.blogspot.com/2010/07/blogsville-wedding.html?m=0

  25. lool at people staring.. my mum goes there for business and she is like 5.8 and all the people there are super short so she says they stare like mad people...
    that must be very uncomfortable..
    i still wanna visit there one day

    first time here

  26. Mehn! Honeydame, u write so very well! "Dem fit stare till the patient go instinctively carry hand to cover hin face!" where on earth did u get that from??? I am new to having my own blog but have been visting loads of people's blogs, where have u been all my blogging life?
    Advice-No matter what u do or how much u are treated like a 3 legged kitten, dont try to take offence oo. u dont know if the guy/babe is related to jackie(chan) or jet(lee)!

  27. very funny...cant stop laughing...chizys-spyware.blogspot.com

  28. Destiny YNC, I tell you. It got really annoying at some point.

    Sirius, thanks a bunch. Went there, typed an epistle of a comment and lost it. How's the cute boy doing?

    Ms Nana..lol..truly most of them are diminutive. I have learnt to just hold my peace o! I still want all my body parts (minus the fat) intact by the time I leave here.

    Chizy K..glad to be of service. People who laugh live longer.


HoneyDames n Dudes