As I sit here with the smell of the jollof rice I cooked, assaulting my olfactory…..(sorry, had to chip that in), I cannot help thinking about the issue of marriage. No, easy people, breath in and out, slowly, HoneyDame is not getting married just yet, in fact, Ma (If you have not read the legend of Ma, click here) will not be allowing anyone pluck flowers in her garden anytime soon.
Anyway, what has brought about this is that, today, YY’s cousin, a male, will be getting married to his SweetHeart. These two do not know me, but once I stumbled on their Facebook page, my life has not remained the same and neither has theirsà I HAVE BEEN STALKING THEM. Don’t judge me yet, I have “valid?” reasons L. I just find these pair a whole lot fascinating. To me, their relationship is sooooo much like mine, minus the geographical distance in mine. So somehow, they have been some form of parameter for me. I mean, I need a partner-in-crime if I am really going to embark on this journey into the South-South with an older guy, right? Wrong! But that is an issue for another day’s discussion.
This young lady in question is just an addition to my growing hypothesis of young ladies getting married these days, especially those who reside in Nigeria. When I mean young ladies, I am most likely referring to 19-21.5ish. Has something been released into the air? Are they really equipped yet for this part of life? What really could be responsible for this trend?
I am aware that maturity is not really a function of age, BUT, isn’t age really a component of some of the other variables? With the increasing western emulation we engage in in Nigeria, I fear for this trend. Already, we are celebrating single motherhood and feminist movements (PS: I DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST SINGLE MOTHERS, I am knowledgeable enough to know that several valid reasons cause this). What chance do these girls have to make their young marriages work in the face of all these movements?
Our grandmothers who got hitched in their teenage years had better chances of having marriages that worked because they did not have all these shoved in their faces. In my opinion, some of these girls are supposed to still be suckling at their mother’s breasts, yet they are on the way to suckling another creation= Scary! I sincerely hope Gbeske is not aiming to take over my life, hence this melancholic and pessimistic tone (Again, if you do not know the history of Gbeske, go here)
In a lighter mood, **Raising my flute in toast**, this is to wishing you both, S & E, a wonderful, divorce-free and blissful marital life. May you remain friends, lovers and spouses till the end. Enjoy each other and God’s presence in your marriage. **Click my flute with..err…nobody, well “Shrug”**. Maybe sometime in the future, I will share this post with you, or not.
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Now, let me go teach that jollof rice a lesson while I wait for them to upload the wedding pictures……Boy , am I glad that they can’t view those who view their profiles? My ass would have been arrested a looong time ago! Stalkarazzi mode>>>>>On.
So, am I the only one who has noticed this trend? Or are my fears unfounded? Please your stories, dear HoneyDames and Dudes..:)
*laughing* @ teach jollof rice a lesson ...& getting sued for looking at other people's profile without them knowing.
ReplyDeleteIn this time & age, it's really too early for gals to be getting married as from 19... though it has is advantage in that they age together with their children....many atimes when i see the women from the eastern part of nigeria still looking goood & their kids are in the university, i just admire them....but the disadvantage is that they might not be prepared psychological for it...& might end up in divorce or the woman finding succor in the arms of another man while still married. Unfortunately, i noticed that in a particular tribe [EPE] before a woman reaches 35, she had married up to 3 husbands! Having children here & there, becox they get married as early as 18!
Congratulations to the new couples.
I noticed it a while ago too when girls started getting married in their 3rd year at the university. I can only hope that thery know what exactly it is they are doing.
ReplyDelete@ NG...ah..let me put my mouth where my money is o! You know, it would be a different ball game if from one's evaluation, the girl happens to be the mature, but this is not necessarily the case. And I wonder how many of their husbands will be patient enough with them to guide them towards the marital growth. May Christ have mercy.
ReplyDelete**pulling my chair for gbeborun*** ehnehn? Epe people? that's a new one o..let me don my research cap. I will get back to you on that one
@PET Projects...ah, thank you for confirming my suspicion o. Cos at some point, I thought it was just a figment of my imagination. Uhm, just like you, I sincerely hope so. I mean, there is this girl who has barely graduated and she is married to a PASTOR!!!!...PASTOR!!!! She is married to the church at age, max. 21! Uhm, no be small thing at all at all!
Nice one HD,
ReplyDeletePlease, your post does not appear in my blog updates anytime you put up an new post, like the posts of other people I follow. Is it your settings? Please, can you change it so it will be easy for us to view your recent posts without having to keep stalking you. Thanks
I swear I hadn't noticed the 'youngees' getting married o..
ReplyDeleteJust never paid attention or it's not happening around me..
But I do think that these young ladies should wait a bit and experience life before rushing into marriage which is a whole different ball game altogether.
My 22 year old cousin was saying how she wanted to get married and I wanted to kill her cause she hasn't yet matured for that responsibility/step..
That's it..
HD, that's just the trend of things these days...and lol @ Ma not letting anyone pluck flowers in her garden..wen the time's right, guy's be queuing to landscape her garden not pluck flowers!
ReplyDelete@ilola, uhm, that is strange o. but that happens to me too. What I usually have to do is go to my blog roll, then add, even after following. Thanks so much for dropping by.
ReplyDelete2cute4u, walai, where have you been?!!! ha. thank God for FB in my stalking life.hehehehe. I mean, I know several 21 year olds who I feel will be able to do well in their marriages even at that age, and yet, I know of 25 year olds too who should not even be thinking it for the next 2 decades if their attitudes don't change. I would not be alarmed if it was just a one off thing, but these days, everywhere I look, na so so marriage I dey see like epidemic!. God will help everyone o.
WB, wey the pictures na? na that queue go work for me o..lol....Ow is work going?
Hmmm...I really haven't noticed the trend...well not in my side of town. But def do not think that a 19-21 girl is ready for married...but every case is diff...age ain't not but a number but...then again married is a huge step and you need to be mature before you embark on that journey!
ReplyDeleteI met a girl that married 2 years ago at 23 and I had no idea that she was that young until dis yr when she celebrated her 25th bday...she is very very mature...so like I said each case is diff o...but a typicl 19-21 tying the knot??? Hmmm....I dunno o!
lmbo @ u stalking ppl on fb!!!! smh...lol
@ Blessing, my sentiments exactly! There actually are some people that you would not be able to tell their age, just because of the maturity level. but the ones I am referring to in this post o, they are the typical 19-21 year olds. Literally big babies. Hopefully, they will learn as they go.
ReplyDeleteYup!!
ReplyDeleteI have noticed this trend because over the past five years, I have had 3 female relatives (aged under 24) getting married to much older guys.
Two of them actually maried straight from uni (college). It makes me think that all this talk of feminism is 'all talk'.
I know some young girls are mature for their age; but if I had a daughter, I would prefer she lives alone and earns her own money (after uni) before settling down for the life of a housewife.
I believe this experience of living independently Such experience will boost her self-worth and give her a better idea about money management.
However, it seems more and more young girls are now aspiring to live the life of footballers' wives.
lool...as in ehn, i just finished discussing this with my friend. she's engaged now, she's 22. 2 of my friends in naija got married this weekend, dey are 21. ALOOOT of my friends are getting engaged and married....i'm beginning to wonder if its a race or something is wrong with my head cos i'm soooo NOT ready for marriage though I think about it alot sha. na wa o. I just hope they are ready. They keep saying our mother's did it but then they forget that our mother's took alot of crap from our fathers...the kind of crap that NO modern babe is ready to take! hence the high rate of divorce!
ReplyDeleteWhile I am not in support of a 19 yr old girl's marriage, I feel it is important to understand that marriage is meant for mature minds and once they feel they can handle what is ahead, why not? A friend of mine just got married on saturday and she is just 22 but I feel, even just a friend that she is mature enough to take it. Cos Maturity is not about age, its about knowing how to handle responsibilities.
ReplyDelete- LDP
@Naijamum. I kind of feel that this the other end of the spectrum. @ some point in Nigeria, ladies were advised to step down from their high financial and achiecvement ladders in order to get spouses. This is the end result. Now, ladies wanna grow with their significant others, so that when the achiecements come, they do no have to worry about scaring men away...#just~a~line~of~thought#
ReplyDeleteAlso, with regards to the footballer wife thing...uhm.. that's interesting o. I only hope they see the clearer picture cos yes, I havent heard anything negative about Kanu's young wife, but neither have I heard anything positive.
@ Beautiful...yes o....na so the thing dey go o. It's kindda funny to me cos I remember having a conversation with Ma several years ago when she asked me the ideal age I would wanna get married. I told her I wanted to get married around 18/19 years. She just looked at me like I was crazy, and now that I think back, I must have been crazy..lol...I wish your friends wonderful married lives. The Lord will equip them with all they will need to make it work.
ReplyDelete@LDP, you are right on all counts. I know of several people (within that age group) who I would not even bat an eyelash should I get to know of a pending marriage. It is just a tricky venture to determine who is mature enough for such venture, given that age group....
I feel sorry for those girls itching to get married early. Still, if their sole goal in life is to be a wife and mother, then they probably would be ok as they would be willing to sacrifice all else to accomodate their ambition. There's only one problem. In today's world as you say, there is exposure to many options and besides, at 19, one hardly knows oneself that much, talkless of knowing what one really wants.
ReplyDeleteIt says a lot about Nigeria as these girls are simply following the rules laid down for them: In Nigeria, a woman only gains respect and becomes somebody through marriage. Until that mentality changes, we will see this trend continue in an alarming way, especially given the crippling poverty that is driving these choices in some instances.