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Monday, March 7, 2011

This is My Story 3

For the previous part to this post, check here.

I felt really bad for the air hosts and hostesses. There was no way for them to be effective in their dispensing of duties considering the throng of Nigerian passengers lining the plane aisles. Several announcements were made for them to get back to their seats, for where? No disrespect to my Ibo people, but boy, were they loud or were they loud?! You would almost think you were at Alaba market! Not to mention the women with kids on board. Other passengers were deliberately avoiding sitting with them. Did I blame them?  Not really? Those kids could be loud and unruly sometimes. But I probably would be too if I was 0-9/10 years old and had to be confined in a metal box for several hours. Matter of fact, add grouchy and touchy to the list.

Since myself and my sister were forming “non-Nigerian-language-speaking” personas. We just took in the whole scenery. I know you are already judging me.  But really, I had no interest in recounting my abroad experience with an overzealous elderly man who has been living in the states for donkey years and has one or two (make that hundred) things to say to me about being a Nigerian in diaspora..uhgggg. So, we let them think we spoke no Nigerian language. After we were told to turn off all appliances, my sister remembered that she had left her ipad on while in layover. So, she brought it out to turn off. Only for this man in the next aisle to sayawon omo yi sha, se ko gbo wipe won ni ki won pa nkan ni? Won a saa ma se bi kini” (These kids, did she not hear to turn off appliances. They just act so silly).


Increasingly, I am realizing that I am the nice one. Ngor, my sister can be a reaaaalll beyatch (excuse my French). Now it was bad enough that this man was pretty much insulting her. He was even worse off for saying it in Yoruba, which is a language we chew, sleep in, wake up in , drink and whateverelsehaveyou! She turned, looked him straight in the eyes and said,it is usually better for  folks not to comment on issues they have no knowledge about. You, have no idea why I brought it out, so, next time, keep your comments to yourselfwith a baddass incline in her voice. Now,  Ngor is not a small person. Me sister na big gal (not fat) with an attitude. Combine that with a baddass voice inflection and what you get is a pretty scared recipient. The guy just pamu for hin side! I was in hysterics.

Later in the journey, I said something to Ngor and decided to say it in Yoruba. Oh boy!!! The guy in front of me almost hit his head against the window in a bid to whip his head fast enough to ascertain that the sentence came from one of us. So yeah, we had them going…..”non-Nigerian-language-speaking-my-ass”!!!

Lagos my Lagos

My first sign was the scantily lit sight from above. I thought to myself….Lasgidi my lasgidi!!! Now my heart is at rest (almost) because I am pretty sure of where I am now!I had smiles for all the customs officers. I had a valid reason. My passport had expired a day before the trip so I had gotten an Emergency Travel Cert. Knowing my people, I was pretty sure they were gonna give me a hard time. So with several words of prayer and smiles like a chesire cat, I approached them. I had to go with some guy to register myself and he asked me the dumbest questions ever! 

Answer I would have loved to give
When did you leave?
**See jamb question o!!** Heloo….there’s a stamp on that passport you are holding, isn’t there?
How old are you
As old as Metuselah. I do believe that is also contained in that little book you are holding.

….amongst other questions! If it was the American checkpoint, I would be sure they were just trying to ascertain that I was indeed the owner of the passport. But for this guy, I was sure he just couldn’t read.

Customs hurdle crossed, I marched down to the carousel to pick up our bags. You people know there are just two, so Ngor and I picked one each (As we used a bag that could be easily picked up by someone else). Two hours after we were still waiting for our bags. When the last of the bags dropped, I silently blessed my family friend’s heart for insisting that we throw a couple of clothes in our hand-luggage. Did I listen fully?....er….r.r.r.r.  Nope!

After filling out the form for missing bags, we couldn’t wait to get the first whiff of warm Naija air.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to find YY in the army of people by the door. While still looking totally lost coupled with all those gbeborun stares, I heard my YY, my own very YY ***nostalgic*** call me by his pet name for me.**smiles** I think my heart must have done a few seconds of tap dance, as I have no recollection of how I went from where I was into dumping my 170pound self on him. He looked tired (he had come right from work from another state), but nothing else had changed!!! **not fair!!!** I am not really a PDA person, but I think I must have deep-throated his tongue right there! I just kept mumbling “oh-my-gawd”. Ngor interrupted the moment by announcing that she was yet to be hugged.

I was on high and euphoric as we drove into the night.

Typing this, I am still mumbling “oh-my-gawd” and feeling euphoric.

PS: For those who called me out on my last post concerning YY; Mrs Newlywed and Koinonia, I have one exclamation, "Damn, you guys are good"....i was just being my overtly dramatic self in that last paragraph, I was pissed at him and had told him to eff off in anger.  *sigh* the guy knows my mumu buttons, so needless to say the "overness" was only on the tip of my tongue and a rant. Thanks to all those who commented, I really appreciate it.  Thank You


  1. HoneyD na real mumu button, infact e dey wash u like shampoo.
    Continue to totori us with each scoop of the gist. *fingers crossedy

  2. Like what Ngor said to the poke noser on the plane. Old men who won't mind their business. Pshieuw

  3. lol @ the question the customs guy was asking and i can imagine the face of the man insulting in yoruba after ur sister replied him...buhahaha
    sofly sofly with d ldr and dont let him press ur mumu buttons anyhow o.

  4. lol @ the man on the plane...y can't some ppl juss mind their business?

    the customs guy is a fool

    Awww....at ur reaction when seeing YY...tew cute! and look at u...havin me worried that sumthin was up...hisss...lol..keep the love goin hun!

    love the new template!

  5. lol @ last paragraph! na us u wan use settle quarrel abi? lol Its all part of the fun...brews passion! lol
    I hope you found your missing luggage o. I am afraid of missing anything in naija airport :( I always pack my most valuables in my carry on....next time listen to mommy! they are rarely wrong :) lol

  6. lol @ the iPad and passport stories.

  7. so tell me, what is your 'mumu' button? All we women shaaa, we too like shakara

  8. Ahhh, my heart is doing yori yori for you, lol.. Both for your naija vacay and being with your YY, enjoy dear and don't forget to update us..

  9. @PET....LMAO...I can just imagine the glower in your face. Like I said, I admit I was quite over dramatic in that post. *sigh*

    @Mamuje, you needed to see how he shrank in his seat!...IT was hilarious, for me sha

    @Nikkisho, thanks jare sis. He ain got a chance in hell. HE just likes to think he knows my mumu buttons. He understands the concept of girls being synonymous with switch boards...lots of buttons but you could easily press the wrong one. Hence, he is respecting himself and threading softly.lol..thanks again

    @Blessing, *smiles*, We are into each other too much to break up over the kind of issue we had that day. If you even hear what it was about, you will want to flog us both...lol...thanks

    @MrsNewlywed, I did o...it will be in the next sequence. You sabi all that dating fight parole jare!!!...lol.

    @Jaycee, thanks for stopping by

    @ilola, that's how it should be o. at that point in time, he had pissed me off so bad. Any wrong move from him and I would have really followed through! buh sha, sometimes, I like ti shakara him like that make e no dey think say e no suppose dey up hin game.

    @Myne, Thanks, the trip was shortly after yours. It was over the winter break. However, i am writing about it in series 1) because I am lazy
    2) because you people will not read it if I put everything in one post.
    As you might have noticed, I like using plenty plenty words.lol.. Thanks for commenting.

  10. lool @ the man on the plane o!.. i luv that ur sis replied him. i and my sis had a similar xperience on our way to naija. the dude at our back on the plane was pissed cos my sis reclined her chair to sleep. he cussed and cussed in yoruba bout hw "shidren of nowadays have no respekt" ..we laughed so hard, i was scared he'll stand up, come over and punch us,lol.

  11. ps: i luv your new blog theme
    fiesty! :p

  12. Thank you for sharing. This made me laugh so hard. Across the world, there are people just like the man on the plane. I just hope that ther are more people in the world like you and your sister! Job well done. Would have enjoyed seeing it in person, but you tell the story again well! I felt like I was there!

  13. u go fear "non nigerian" personas naa...lol u n ur sis...

    Don't u just luv aproko's? iranu!

    Immigration never ceases to amaze me...even if they asked smart questions the heat of the Nigerian airport just makes everything annoying n irritating

  14. So you eat Yoruba huh? Neat! Hope you had maximum fun sha? I presume you did afterall you had YY in toll! LOL @ Ngor and her Yoruba passenger friend,she really got him!

  15. lol @ the scene in the plane..9jas!

    so you don use us settle quarrel finis abi??? ok oooo dey don tok am before; DEM NO DEY PUT MOUTH FOR HUSBAND & WIFE MATTER!..so from today hence forth, i don 'zip' my mouth!..hehehhe.

    Lasigidi for life! see all the dumb questions im dey ask you sef?..over sabi nah dey worry them o jare..so yarn us more gist.. *as i balance for chair* :)

  16. lol... your sister sha vexed...correct gal!..
    first time here
    love it!

  17. lucky u, i need a flight ticket to c my yy

    i never knew i hated flights till i flew on transit from italy with some annoying ibo or calabar but oyibo forming boys SMH am ibo by the way so no hating


  18. Chaiiiiii.... why didn't you take me *tears*....awwwww.....awwww..sure you are too happy to be home. I am so jealous. sorry about ur lost luggage, they might find it (it might be empty sha o). yeaiiii to love.... me self I go love o*wink*

  19. Mumu gial with mumu buttons!! hehehehehe

  20. @Kitkat, thanks

    @itsjustmedaringtodream, thanks.I get so tired of such people. they just feel they have to say something to everybody.

    @H, you know it jare!

    @A9jaGreat, ehn? You say wetin? Omo Yoruba ni mi o...swagger...lol..I hope you can translate that one by yourself o.

    @NG, if you like, make i ask you for opinion, make you no answer me! se you hear me so? lol...I no kuku use una settle fight. fight settle by hinsef ni o. I go soon add part 4. lol..thanks for commenting

    @iphy,, Yay!!! glad you like it. Clicked the follow button yet? you dont wanna miss out on the other posts...*wink wink*. Ihave been to you blog several times, and I heart wot I see each time. thanks for dropping by.

    @Chizy K, lmaooo...thank you for your contribution in that respect o. At least you are one of them and could afford to be unsentimental in describing their lousy flight attitude.

    @9jaFOODie, dont I wish I was home! *sigh* This was last december. I have been too lazy to write everything at once plus it is supposed to be a memoir of some sort, hence the series. I so wish I was home right now...

    Nonye, Nonye, Nonye!!! How many times I call you?! Na me and you for this blogsville!! I go show you pepper!

  21. Hahaha!! The man must have been shocked! Some Nigerians can do oversabi eh?

    Thanks sooo much for following. I couldn't get your blog from friend connect (dont know if i was doing something wrong) but then i saw your comment somewhere else and linked back here yippie


  22. Clearing throat :D


HoneyDames n Dudes