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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I Need a Shrink or Maybe She Does!

Let me commence this piece with an immense reverence for the working-class bloggers!!!!

Damn, kudos to you people.

I started an internship last week Monday which is pretty much like a full time job. You know the drill, full time hours, full time job description, the whole nine yards. So even though college is on vacation, there is no holiday for me. I have been seeing you people o, I have not just been able to summon enough energy to comment. And even sometimes when I do, I would have forgotten that word verification palaver and will eventually lose the comment when I close the window.

Uhm, wetin I don take my eyes see and use my ear hear for this sekele one week ehn, na die I just dey so.  By the way, why una still dey here? Una no dey rapturable? Me don sabi say if Jesus come for that Saturday, I go need stay behind for tribulation….*side note, “Thank you Big Daddy for yet another opportunity to right my wrong.” While I am on the subject, who is with me on the stance that the man who started the rapture rumor should be flogged? What more, all those who believed in it should be tied to stakes and pelted with stone cold ice cream….wait, give me the icecream and use ice water instead. But seriously, you claim to be a Xtian, yet believe a mere mortal’s word over God’s word, concerning God’s word?!!! That is just sheer ignorance, bordering on stupidity.

And speaking of stupidity, do you know that a certain man, in the US, used his life savings on the publicity for that nonsense rumor, a savings totaling $140,000…..choi!!!! Just gimme a catapult people, let me make ofe nsala of that idiot! And what’s more, the omo ale who started the rumor gave a press release and his deduction is that he was off by 5 months. So people, let the borrowing begin and the collecting begin as well, because come Oct 21, 2011, C’ est la RAPTURE!!! 

By the way, don’t borrow with the intention of not paying back, unless you are sure that you are going to be rapturable or at least your lender will be rapturable. Because if both of you are here in the tribulation, na from here you, the borrower go begin chop your punishment and I will not be held accountable for the piece of advice because I go don dey with my Groom, my honeybunch and sugarplum, Bros Jay Honey in the heavens (if and only if the rapture is Oct. 21 o).

Moving on, on my way back from work the other day, I was in the bus and happened to be reading an email from my phone when the bus pulled over at a stop. Because I was a distracted, I didn’t look up to see the movement of passengers like I usually do. Something in the email made me laugh so as I was catching my fun, I looked up simultaneously. Behold, right in front of me was a new passenger who by my estimation weighs about 380-300 pounds, is about 5.8’’ tall and had on a weave this blue and a jacket this red! The laughter died in my larynx (abi wherever it is laughter comes from. Sting, help a sister out!). I was traumatized! In fact, when she was getting off the bus, a distracted high school boy getting on, literally jumped back out of the bus on sighting her because by the time he noticed her, she was millimeters away from him. (If you are Nigerian, think the Mount Zion “Daniwu” character).


I am going for therapy because I think I am scarred for life by that sight.

If this clown of a lady happens to be reading this, I forgive you this time, but DON’T U EVER DO IT AGAIN!!!

My people, do drop your kind words (and or maybe the not so kind ones too) to aid my speedy recovery from the hideous sight

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Attention, attention

I promise, I am not MIA intentionally neither am I even harboring plans of abandoning Blogger, lailai (never). My life has been a circus in the past one week.
Arrggh!!! It feels like forever!!!
This is just me dropping in to give you a semi heads up.
OH! When I get back, remind me to gist you about the blue-haired, red-jacketed lady. And no, I am not even kidding now, neither is it an Enid Blyton story

Till soon enough again (Something is wrong with this phrase, but it makes perfect sense to me...*Shrug*)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Not So Random

For the lack of juice in my fridge and because as of now, I am a broke-ass student, I decided to drink the Monster Energy drink that I have been housing for the past 1.5months. I am still up and running and it is almost 4am so my guess is that it is going to be a looong night so I might as well make up for my blogging inconsistency (or at least try..

I had just 3 finals to write…yay!!! And what’s more, I got one down already…two more to go..:D. The convenience store in my yeye school has refused to restock since we are at the end of the academic year (which makes sense though I am salty because) that means no Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Butter Cup or Oreo Cookie milkshake for me for the rest of the semester.

I have this Oyinbo (boy) who takes/soon-to-be-took  3 of my four classes with me, was my project partner in one of the classes, sits in front of me in another of the class and has his name right before mine in the roster for all the 3 classes. Needless to say we were around each other for one too many hours this semester and I almost feel like I am double dating. *smirk*. It has been a remarkable experience, you know, with the mental flirting and all *covers face in shame*. And then he is a boy/man in uniform…..marine corps….#ha-holy-spirit-take-control-of-this-temptation#. It is funny because he is definitely not my spec. we
Recall:Burnt Black complexion from this post? Well, now I can easily imagine the other side of that too. Uhm, never say never. Fret not people, it is just a harmless acquaintanceship and I have come to certain realizations too. There are a couple of things about YY that I have been taking for granted. Choi! I have told my Oyinbo friend several times over that I would be pushed to behead him on several occasions if I were ever to date him. Good enough, it is a consensus since his favorite phrase to me is “You make me wanna kill myself”.  To which I reply, “Oh, be my guest since it is just a case of suicide. If it were homicide, then, we’ll have a problem”. All in all, it has been a wonderful experience and a learning process because neither of us had had that kind of close relationship with the other race before. I am almost sad to see it dying because……

I am thinking of going to China next semester for an internship. I am excited about the prospect but still a bit terrified because I have never made such move in my whole life. Relocating to the US, I was with my family. So this is very different and a bit “Jesos Chlist”. However, I am looking forward to the sights and sounds and hopefully, I will have so much issues with the food that I will lose about 50 pounds..:). In other words, I am hoping that with the China trip comes the perk of “Bringing Sexy Back”. The program is soo expensive, chei! I know Baba God gat my back sha, though donations and goodwill are welcome. Paypal, money order, western union, every every.

Uhm, what else is to be said o?!!!!

Ehenehn!!! I got sad at some point last week because a “friend” lost her brother. I use “friend” loosely because really, I don’t know much about her, we just attended the same high school. I was very sad and cried out in frustration because the boy was only 24. You can then only imagine my “shall-I –say-more sadness?” when I got to know that he was a sickler (someone with sickle cell anaemia). I know that people die for other reasons too but this particular reason got me thinking.

 Sons and daughters of Adam and Eve, why why why do you do these things?
The world is evolving and so should you. Be enlightened and knowledgeable for Christ’s sake. Don’t misunderstand me. My point is this, there is love and there is love. Knowing each other’s medical status is imperative in a budding relationship. I believe in miracles but not in taking extremely selfish risks. So you know you are both AS, right? And you also know that this means you stand a chance of having a child with sickle cell should you copulate, right? But you believe God will turn things around for you so you go ahead and reproduce anyway. This is what I have to say to you, you are being extremely selfish and unfair!
The pain associated with this disease is ugh…Check this out. I know you as the parent will share in it but how about the poor child experiencing it first hand? I understand that this is a sensitive topic but remember that I am referring only to those who do this with prior knowledge (though ignorance is no longer a tenable excuse).
The short of the last "epistical" paragraph is this:
·         There is love, but being strong enough to be able to set aside carnal and emotional feelings and put the future into perspective(e.g. in this case), now, that is love.
·         Be wise, take risks, but endeavor to make them calculated risks, God no go vex at the effort.

I think I am ready for the darts you might be throwing my way for this reason, so, don’t hold back. Till next time…..

Friday, May 6, 2011

25 Questions

1.      Do you have any pets?
No, unless my younger brother counts

2. Name 3 things that are physically close to you.
My laptop, my duvet and my phone

3. What's the weather like right now?
A tad too cold for May

4. Do you drive? If so have you crashed?
Yes…sorry no

5. What time did you wake up this morning?
9:00 am

6. When was the last time you showered?
Cant remember, I think 3 weeks ago…jk….a couple of hrs ago

7. What was the last movie you saw?
A Yoruba movie, (Me I cant remember the title o)

8. What does your last text message say?
Why were they following her like that?!”

9. What's your ringtone?
97% of the time-Vibration
3%  of  the time- Hold Yuh (Gyptian)

10. Have you ever been to a different country?
Uhm, do layovers count?

11. Do you like sushi?

12. Where do you buy your groceries?
Walmart when I am in school and Terminal market when I am home (at least, that’s where Papa says he gets the groceries from)

13. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster?
To sleep faster, no? But piriton to sleep easier when I have a cold.

14. How many siblings do you have?
2 brothers and the world famous sister, Ngor

15. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?

16. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
I don’t care what you say, 16 again

17. Do you wear contacts or glasses?
N/A…20/20 vision, babay!

18. Do you color your hair?
Nope. But I intend to soon, prolly dark purple.

19. Tell me something you are planning to do today.
Nothing intense. Start studying for exams, I hope.

20. When was the last time you cried?
Two days ago

21. What is your perfect pizza topping?
I don’t really like pizza so I don’t care about the topping.

22. Which do you prefer-hamburgers or cheeseburgers?
Self-made cheeseburgers

23. Have you ever had an all-nighter?
Yeah, I get too nervous to sleep whenever I have to travel so each time I am going home from school and conversely, I pull an all-nighter, doing nothing concrete.

24. What is your eye color?

Brown. (There'ld be a problem if it was any other color!)

25. Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke?
What?! There is a difference?!

This came about by Myne Whitman (at least, that's where I found it). Keep the ball rolling, write yours!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

How Is It Done?

Back in the days, a girl dared not just go into a relationship with a man. It was systematic process. “Boy sees girl boy finds girl’s friend/acquaintance acquaintance talks to girl about boy girl tells acquaintance what she feels about boy acquaintance goes back to boy to deliver message acquaintance organizes the first formal meeting between boy and girl (Usually under some tree…lol).”

The process doesn’t end there. Boy makes his intention to court girl known to girl’s parents Depending on if girl’s parents concede, courting continues Boy goes back to make his intention to marry girl known The two families meet Marriage rites are observed Several steps closer to “Happily thereafter”
Yoruba Parents

I know my timeline might lack a couple of details plus it is a Yoruba perspective but you get the picture, right? Today, the process has been modified and it is more complicated and confusing than it used to be, what with the influence of western culture.

My people, I am confused. At what point does a girl bring home her boyfriend? When they have just started dating or after ___ days/months/years/lifetimes? More often than not, the girl is closer to her mom, right? So chances are that Mummy knows, but not Daddy. Especially when Mummy is here and Daddy is based there. At what point does daddy have to know then?

Furthermore, boy meets girl, they date and yada yada (all of that good stuff). When is it “right” or shall I say “appropriate” to collect that bended-on-one-knee-then-proposed-ring, before a formal introduction to girl’s family or after? If it is before, isn’t that a bit presumptuous of both boy and girl not to involve their families? Likewise, if it is after, where lays the surprise/giddiness in the bended-on-one-knee-action? You might as well tell me “Ehnehn, now that we have gotten the introduction done, your ring is on the refrigerator, wear it!” or better still, “What ring? What for?!

I don’t know if it is the culture that complicates this because as far as I am concerned, boy/girl doesn’t bring girl/boy home unless s/he is saying that he/she is the one. If this is the case, how is the relationship supposed to be like before they are both sure of their intentions for each other, an open secret?

Help a sister out, impart your knowledge people!